Yesterday, a woman on the train who had no teeth was noshing her way through a whole Scotch egg as if it were an apple. (For the uninitiated, a Scotch egg is a hard-boiled egg wrapped in sausage meat and breadcrumbs and fried.) If you'd given me the choice between watching her eat a Scotch egg and not watching her eat a Scotch egg, I'd have plumped for the latter. But she was directly opposite me, and I admired both her skill and her total lack of self-consciousness. I didn't take a photo (one can get thrown off trains) but to help you imagine, here's a picture of a woman with no teeth.
This egg is a world-record beater for the largest Scotch egg made in a restaurant. The one she ate wasn't quite that impressive, but, to her, it may well have seemed that way.
There are other tasks that could be compared with a woman with no teeth eating a whole Scotch egg.
a) Someone eating a whole joint of roast beef with a rubber fork.
b) A man climbing a mountain in slippers.
c) A woman knitting a scarf using spaghetti instead of needles.
d) Sportspeople playing tennis using fly swatters.
e) A farmer building a dry stone wall using bubble wrap.
Can you add any, followers?
I'd like to think that when she got home from her train journey, she thought, 'What shall I have for tea? I know. There's that bit of pork crackling in the fridge, then I'll have a bag of peanuts, and I'll finish with some nice treacle toffee.'
As long as I'm not there to watch, I'm pleased for her. I hope she has a lovely evening.
And, yes, I had a pleasant week away, thank you. I did do other things apart from go on trains and watch people eat Scotch eggs. Not that you'd know it from this rather narrowly-focused blog post.