Reasons why you should avoid reading anything in the mornings
Hi, MRS FRANCES ANNE HILL
Is it me, or have the tax people not done the training module called 'Achieving a consistent tone'?
On the other hand, I'm more irritated by letters which begin, 'Hiya Fran! We don't know you from Eve, and frankly we don't care, but would you like to donate £3,000 to our worthy cause?'
To distract myself from having to think about tax, I had Special K for breakfast and read the back of the box while eating it. This shows you how desperate I was not to read the tax letter.
There's a current, thrilling 'free personalised spoon' offer from Kelloggs and it goes like this:
1. I save 3 'vouchers' from three different boxes of Special K.
2. I email Kelloggs, giving the voucher numbers.
3. I give them the message I want written on my spoon handle. (I would choose 'I am a fork which does great impersonations.')
4. I tell them which Kelloggs logo I want on the spoon, next to the message.
5. They send me a spoon right away.
6. Correction. They send me a spoon but it might take 90 days to arrive.
90 days? 90 days?
That's a quarter of a year! By then, I could have developed a wheat allergy, or gone on a nothing-that-needs-a-spoon diet, or moved house so the new tenants get a spoon delivery that freaks them out. Or I might have regretted my choice of message, seeing it anew as puerile and the product of a twisted mind.
The 'logo' thing hacks me off. Their aim is to get every household in the country advertising Kellogg's products for free on the handles of all the spoons in Britain.
What's the betting that when my spoon comes, there'll be a letter with it beginning, 'Wotcha, Franny! Your spoon is enclosed, LOL!'
|What will yours say?|
Mine will say, 'I've been in this package for 90 bloody days and am seriously peed off.'