Evidence that you're Proper Middle-aged

I'm 54 tomorrow.

You know you're Proper Middle-aged when ....

1. Your 93 year old Granny says, 'Oooh, really? Will you really?' when you tell her how old you'll be next birthday.

2. People you've been feeling sorry for in the bus queue then insist you get on the bus before them.

3. You bend down to pick up a sock and try to do three other things at that level (pick fluff off carpet .. switch on a plug .... feel under the radiator for that lost button) before getting back up.

4. You feel proud of yourself for finding out how to use 'Crop' on your mobile phone pictures, barely a year since you learned to take an actual photo.

5. You think about contacting someone who taught you at school and then realise they'd be 109.

6. You visit a city centre on a Saturday and wonder if it's all on fast-forward.

7. You root for the ones with grey hair on Masterchef.

8. You understand, finally, why they say, 'Mind the gap' on the Tube network.

9. People start sending you birthday cards with pictures of gardens and a lone watering can.

10. You find yourself saying, 'Why did I come in here?' But it's the bathroom ...


... but hopefully the RIGHT bathroom 



Comments

  1. Debra She Who Seeks26/4/16 11:55

    Hahahahaha, I did #3 not half an hour ago! Have a happy birthday tomorrow and remember -- you'll never be as young again, so enjoy it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill26/4/16 14:19

      I do #3 so often I may as well just lie down from now on and get up occasionally to make tea.

      Delete
  2. Unknown26/4/16 12:15

    Your teacher could be 109. Think of how silly you'd feel if you passed up a chance to talk to a 109-year old.

    Happy birthday!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill26/4/16 14:20

      True! I could ask him how he managed to stay alive so long having had me in his secondary school English class.

      Delete
  3. Nearly Martha26/4/16 13:54

    All of the above - especially going to town on Saturdays. And I also make a sort of "Ooof" noise when I sit down. Just me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill26/4/16 14:20

      I nearly wrote that one about the oof noise!!

      Delete
  4. www.scskillman.com26/4/16 14:12

    Or - even worse - you don't dare bend down at all! Happy birthday for tomorrow Fran and hope you don't get any cards with watering cans on them!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill26/4/16 14:21

      This is true - and why I don't like going to shoe shops any more and bending down to try and put a shoe on in front of a 13 year old shop assistant who looks like a supermodel.

      Delete
  5. Janie Junebug26/4/16 14:31

    I'm older than you are--the same age as Prince, Michael Jackson, and Madonna. Two of these people are dead. I am doomed.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill27/4/16 01:16

      Are you famous, though? Lately, that seems to be part of the criteria for dying.

      Delete
  6. Crayon26/4/16 15:12

    Hahahaha! #5!

    ReplyDelete
  7. River26/4/16 21:57

    I'm 63, soon to be 64 and I don't bend down very often because straightening up isn't comfortable. If I need something off the floor, I get down on my knees, because I can still get up easily from that position.
    I do the "oof" sound when stepping down off the bus.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill27/4/16 01:18

      Buses in our local area have mechanisms for letting down the level of the floor as people get out. One way to tell if you're looking old is whether the bus driver bothers with operating it while you're approaching the exit.

      Delete
  8. #1Nana27/4/16 00:48

    54? That's nothing! You don't even get a senior discount in the US at 54. At 65 I'm finally getting all those discounts. $2.00 off at the movies, 10% discount at Ross Dress For Less on Tuesday's (I saved $6.00 today), and Taco Bell gives seniors a free "senior drink." Life is good

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill27/4/16 01:19

      I'm looking forward to that, especially my free bus pass (which we don't get here until 68, I think, but I'll try and hang on that long).

      Delete
    2. River28/4/16 02:57

      We can apply for the Seniors bus pass here at 60, but the free rides are limited to weekends, holidays and 9am to 3pm on weekdays.

      Delete
  9. SmitoniusAndSonata27/4/16 03:37

    A mere child ...

    The bus driver now waits till I'm sitting down before he drives off . The other day he asked "if someone" in the bus , full of students , would give me a seat .
    Welcome , if slightly mortifying .

    ReplyDelete
  10. BadPenny27/4/16 08:37

    I took a video of our dog's reaction to our daughter returning from Australia after four months away & managed to cover the filming bit with the ipad cover. Our son did the, "aww mum" thing.
    Happy Birthday x

    ReplyDelete
  11. Deborah Jenkins27/4/16 11:21

    Too true. May I also add the fact that policemen, plumbers and nurses all look like someone you once taught - and probably are. Glad I'm not the only one creaking around here...Ta for the giggle. Many Happy Returns x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill27/4/16 13:50

      I keep spotting very young females pushing buggies and thinking, 'Oh, that must be the big sister.' But it's not.

      Delete
  12. Barbara Neubeck27/4/16 19:09

    .. happy Birthday Fran..... I do most of the things on your list.. hehehee ... I'll be 74 this July but having my 99 year old Mum living with me makes me feel positively young.....
    Have a great day.. hugs.... Barb xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill28/4/16 01:17

      That's a great tip for how to feel young! Perhaps all the 99 year olds should hire themselves out to middle-aged people and get paid a retainer, just for the encouragement factor :)

      Delete
  13. martine28/4/16 06:25

    Made me laugh thanks. You have a really young granny, mine would be 118 if she was alive. At work I let other people pick things up when I drop them:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill29/4/16 03:39

      Ha ha - I'll try that at work, and see what they say!

      Delete
  14. Pam 28/4/16 15:04

    You're a child! My grannies would be 122 and 132. My mum would shortly be 94.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill29/4/16 03:40

      'Child' is pushing it. Except for my general behaviour.

      Delete
  15. Anonymous29/4/16 06:02

    Love the bathroom scene that's hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill29/4/16 06:27

      If only it weren't so near the truth ...

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reasons why Fran is desperately in search of earbuds

Image
My try-to-get-fitter walk in the fields today was a silent one. I usually listen to the radio through earphones but have lost one of the soft earbuds and nothing spoils a walk more than having hard plastic nudging up against your fragile tympanic membrane. The BBC's  'Woman's Hour' is a brilliant programme but loyalty has limits.  It was disconcerting, walking in silence. Listening to radio distracts from the disturbing reality that my legs are propelling me in forward motion because, if I think too hard about this, I frighten myself.  Today, while walking, I had to listen to my own thoughts.  And now I've listened to my own thoughts, I remember why I like radio better. The inside of my head is like a wastepaper basket.   Be grateful that I only offer you a brief excerpt.  Oh, look, that bird is - / Where did I put that mark scheme. I'll need it for - / My shoes are getting muddier./ Maybe mash with the fish tonight / really muddy / The trees are defin...
Read more

More evidence that the wrong consonant makes all the difference to a famous book title

Image
More typo-lit, one of my favourite genres: To Kilt a Mockingbird - a tale set in the Southern States of America in which a young family move into the area from Aberdeen.  The children are found dressing the local wildlife in tartan and have to be taught that clothing innocent victims in bright material is not acceptable.  The little girl (Scot) says, 'Shoot, Pa, that's the darndest thing I ever did hear!' and there is surprise all round at her adoption of the local dialect in such a short time. To Kiln a Mockingbird - a tale set in the Southern States of America in which a wise father teaches his children that to put an innocent bird into a red-hot oven, converting it into an attractive china piece for the kitchen, was bound to upset Aunt Alexandra when given as a birthday present, and if this was indeed their intention, they deserved a whipping.   They don't get the whipping; the father can't stand Aunt Alexandra either. To Bill a Mockingbird - a tale set ...
Read more

Reasons why Fran can get a 90,000 word novel down to a haiku if she's paid enough

Image
My first published story was in ‘Your Cat’ magazine.  (Don’t laugh … we all have to start somewhere.)  I sent the editor a 1500-word story.  She said she liked it (great!) and would publish it (fantastic!) but that I should cut it by a third and tighten up my style.  Ah.  Not so good. I loved every word of that story.  I gave birth to each one in pain and suffering, so there was NO WAY, absolutely NO WAY I was going to cut or change them.  I was determined.  I would stick to my guns.  She could forget it.  My mind was made up. Then she said she’d pay me £200 if I did the alterations.  I wavered for a whole nano-second.  U-turn Queen, that’s me, when it comes to hard cash. The editing of that heart-warming story about a couple who rediscover their love when their cat has a crisis (it was a real sick-bucket saga) taught me loads.  I hated making the changes.  I felt like a murderer, slashing and s...
Read more