WHAT YOU'LL FIND ON THIS BLOG

Sunday, 23 October 2016

Reasons why Fran's neck is cold

I've had my hair cut.

I went into the hairdressers. 'I've had it short for so long,' I said, 'so I've tried growing it longer this year, and it looks fine....'

'So?...' she began.

'... as long as I'm standing still and there's no breeze or anyone near me breathing heavily or using a hand dryer.'

'What happens then?'

'I look like a Gorgon.'



'Are you sure about this decision?' she said.

'Couldn't be more sure,' I said. 'Anyway, a friend told me longer hair made me look more mature. I felt like an ancient cheese. And that decided me. Also, I've been trying to blowdry it in the mornings, so that I look like the people in the magazines.'

'And?'

'I was thinking 'Glamorous Hair' magazine, not 'Crufts Monthly.'

'It can't be that bad.'

'So why am I being chased down the road by Afghan hounds?'

She washed my hair and cut it. Chop, chop, chop. Snip. Chop, chop. My hair slumped to the floor in clumps. Slumpy clumps. This must be how sheep feel, I thought. Naked. Vulnerable. Cold.

'Arrggh!' I said, as she snipped away. 'My face! My face!'

I haven't seen my face properly for a while. It took some getting used to. 'Hello, face,' I said. 'How are you doing?'

'Okay,' it said. 'But suddenly exposed and over-sized. My nose feels enormous, like a tusk.'

'Do you want me to cut your hair above your ears?' the hairdresser said.

I told her no. 'I swear my ears are getting bigger as I age,' I said. 'Some people end up with ears like cauliflowers, don't they? Soon I won't be able to get through narrow doorways. Keep them covered.'

When I'd gone into the hairdressers, it was autumn. Walking home, it was winter. My head felt light, as though I'd taken a heavy hat off, or had emerged from under a duvet.

The next day, at school, one of the students said, 'Have you had your hair cut, Miss?'

'I met this angry lawnmower on the way to school,' I said. 'A short fight ensued, and this is the sorry result.'

Another one commented in a different class, 'You've cut your hair, Miss.'

'I needed a quick way to lose weight,' I said.

'That's actually quite funny,' she said to her friend, as though teachers plus humour equals WEIRD!

But most people looked, widened their eyes, but said nothing. I'm sure Gorgons get the same reaction when they appear, minus the snakes, in elfin haircuts.






23 comments:

  1. When Gorgons want shorter hair, they just switch the snakes for earthworms.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now that WOULD get students asking questions ....

      Delete
  2. Haha! I hate hairdressers. The longer I sit there, the uglier and weirder my reflection gets. And the more confident and swaggering the hairdresser gets. Is it power? Anyway, I bet you look lovely. Enjoyed reading your version. Love that you make your pupils laugh :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know! When else do we stare into mirrors for that long, unless we're masochists?

      Delete
  3. You look very pretty in your picture (the one under "About Me--not the gorgon)!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's very kind. Another friend said, 'Did you have neck ache in that picture?' You are definitely my favourite, out of the two friends.

      Delete
  4. Poor hair. Poor, poor hair. It misses you. You would be happy with your hair if you could go to The Royal Hairdresser, Sam-Sam, who cares for my golden tresses. My hair is probably the most beautiful part of me. Second is my fingernails, cared for by The Royal Manicurist, Danny. Obviously, the body parts that are original to me don't figure into the equation. I pretend I am nothing but floating hair and nails.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need a Sam-Sam and Danny in my life.

      Delete
    2. Everyone needs a Sam-Sam and Danny.

      Delete
  5. It's much easier to look after short hair. Your nose will get used to it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell me about it! It takes 3 seconds to wash now!

      Delete
  6. At least you didn't get the "your hair looks so much better now" comments, implying how ghastly it looked before.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny - that happened to me last time I had long hair and then cut it short. Someone actually looked at a photo of me with long hair, looked at my newly-cut short hair, then said, 'Funny what you can get used to, isn't it?' I was psychologically scarred. I'm not sure how I ever risked having it longer again.

      Delete
  7. I've had thoughts of hair cutting lately, but mine are more along the lines of snip a half centimetre off the ends. I now short would be easier and cooler in the summer, but then there's the constant trimming to keep the shape neat, and I just can't face that many trips to the hairdresser.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Husband (CDT teacher) used to tell his students he had a winder behind his ear that wound his hair back into his head, one went to look and see if it was there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha! He sounds like a great teacher!

      Delete
  9. Husband (CDT teacher) used to tell his students he had a winder behind his ear that wound his hair back into his head, one went to look and see if it was there.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You will have to buy yourself a nice snood or buff or whatever they are called to keep your poor exposed neck warm although if we have more October sunshine you may need a dab of sun cream.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does it go over one's face for spotty days, too?

      Delete
  11. Good Heavens , you're picky.
    I'm reasonably content as long as I don't come out of the salon looking like an escapee from the Muppet Show .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I doubt that you do! A surefire way for them to lose customers quickly!

      Delete
  12. I'm currently letting my hair grow out some after wearing it short for so long. I'm sure ill end up wacking it off sooner than I expect. We all need some change. I bet it looks great! Easy to fix and actually there are a lot of cute styles you can do with short hair. I've always liked the messy look. cute blog.
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know about cute styles, unless 'wash and leave to chance' is a style. Thanks, Lisa, for commenting!

      Delete