Evidence that there is always something to learn even while you are Christmas shopping



1. There is always another supermarket queue shorter than yours. However, should you join it, you'll find the person at the front of it has lost her bank card, has a box of broken eggs that need replacing, and has just remembered that she left a small child in the crisps aisle.


2. Everyone beetling up and down the main street is radiant with Christmas cheer and goodwill, but only on the inside, deep down. On the outside, they look as though they'd like to batter Santa senseless with a box set of Game of Thrones.


3. It is only once you have hurled yourself through the crowds into Baby Gap, up a long flight of stairs with all your shopping, navigated your way through hoodies, pyjamas, teeshirts and pinafore dresses, and asked three people where you'll find the socks, that you will remember you have no idea what size your grandchildren's feet are.


4. It is best not to be honest, so when the lady at the bank says, 'You do realise you could have paid in all these cheques via a machine,' you should say, 'Thank you - I will do that next time' and not 'To be frank, I prefer talking to real people with hair and eyes.' No one appreciates this kind of honesty any more and you can't blame the bank staff for glancing anxiously at you, hoping you've taken your medication or wondering who let you out of the house.


5. If you are only five feet two inches, buy the type of Christmas wrapping paper that comes folded up in a bag. If you buy it in rolls, especially if you've fallen for the 3 for 2 trick and have bought 9, you will be dragging these behind you down the high street like Marley's Ghost drags his chains, or as though you are a lost lumberjack.


I wish all my followers a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and thank you from the ...


.... of my heart for following, reading and entertaining me with your funny comments. It is all much appreciated.

Keep reading in 2018! 




Comments

  1. That's why I shop online. Merry Christmas!!

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    Replies
    1. But you miss out on all the fun that is to be had out there!

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  2. That was excellent festive family entertainment, thank you. My mother and I are both five foot two and can relate to point five.

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    Replies
    1. I met my son in town (he's somewhat taller than I am) and he carried the wrapping paper for me ....

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  3. Have a wonderful Christmas! But you know, I only hit Santa ONCE with that boxed GoT set. You are terribly prone to exaggeration, my dear.

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  4. After trailing round town Christmas shopping, carrying a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle, a cast iron casserole, a dressing gown, a toy tractor and three tins of biscuits you'll find you're no longer five foot two. It'll take a coffee and a sausage roll bring you and your compacted spine back to life.

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    Replies
    1. Now you mention it, my trousers are trailing along the ground now and I needed a step to reach the sink for washing up, so you must be right.

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  5. I am usually one of the people with broken eggs. Loved the post though. Festive greetings and much wassailing to you and yours x

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    Replies
    1. Broken Egg Woman, you are responsible for so many people's stress levels!

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  6. I agree about letting people tell you what to do and thanking them although you know you're going to continue to do as you want. It's a gift to the poor fools who think they can make you change your way of doing things. Merry Christmas, or Merry Kissmas as Franklin and Penelope put it.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. Merry Kissmas to you, too, Janie, and to Franklin and Penelope, too, who have renamed it.

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  7. Where do you get all those cheques that you're paying in? Are you winning large sums with Premium Bonds? Window cleaning in a moonlight fashion? Blackmailing MPs? Taking in ironing? Your public demands to know.

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    Replies
    1. All of those things and more, Pam. You have rumbled me.

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  8. I'm under five feet two inches and always buy my wrapping paper in rolls, usually the big 20 metres of paper rolls. There's enough in one roll to wrap pretty much anything and the empty cardboard centres get handed to the kids to play swordfights with.

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  9. Love to you Fran, and love your posts.....Happy Christmas....or more to the point " Merry "Christmas to you and family!.....hope the wrapping paper hasn't got the better of you? xx

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Frances! We are doing all our wrapping tomorrow, on Christmas Eve. I suspect by the end of the day I will not want to see another roll of wrapping paper for a long, long time.

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  10. Replies
    1. To you, too, BadPenny, and a Happy New Year filled with good things xx

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  11. ...and then you get to Christmas Day, receive 3 hampers and will not have the need to stand in a queue for a while.......plenty of nice "different" food at our house Fran....so if you fancy a break from strangely shaped parsnip or other vege from Paul do. come and see us! Merry Christmas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You received three hampers for Christmas?! Please send me the names of your friends. I am obviously in the wrong social circles.

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  12. Shop online and have your adult kids on speed dial so you can check sizes colours and style preferences. My usual response at the banks "you could do this at the machine you know" comment is to say "I know, but I thought you might appreciate not being redundant."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a genius response to the banks. I will file that away for next time!

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  13. Hello Fran, I've just come across from 'only slightly confused blog'

    Just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your post, can relate to a lot of it!!!

    Hope your Christmas was good, Happy New Year Wishes.

    All the best Jan

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    Replies
    1. Hi Jan - thanks so much for having a read! Glad you enjoyed it. Happy New Year to you too :)

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