Reasons why lock down isn't all bad

There are many things about lock down to which I will be happy to say goodbye. The supermarket queues, the limits on family visiting, the stepping into the path of oncoming cars to avoid other people's sweat, mucus and breath.

But other things about lock down ... they can stay around.

For example, on the communication platform Zoom which many of us are learning to use as our modus operandi for socialising, the person hosting the meeting can MUTE people. Just one press of a button, and, silence. Their lips may move, but they move in vain. No one can hear.

What if this transferred into real life? Imagine its possibilities at dinner parties with verbose guests, in classrooms with gobby pupils, and at weddings with the bride's father's speech?

Think towards next Christmas and all those relations you feel duty bound to host and be nice to. As soon as Auntie Mary starts on about the way you're peeling the sprouts, one TAP and you can peel them any which way you like while she sits impotently at your kitchen table, opening and shutting her mouth like a goldfish.

Also on Zoom, it's possible to change your background, so that instead of a backdrop of a bookcase or your kitchen clock, you can have a Caribbean island behind you, or a friendly pub or a field of wheat.

This means, surely, that lying about where you are has become socially acceptable. In future, when someone says, 'Where did you go on holiday?' you can say with a clear conscience, 'Back-packing in the Himalayas' or 'Two weeks at a health spa in the Seychelles' even though you really went to a 2-star B & B in Skegness with  mould on the ceiling and a dead rat under the bed, and came home after Day 4.



'But I thought you were going to Margate?'
 'Me? Oh, no, no.'




One more Zoom benefit is the ability to choose how many people you'd like to see on the screen even if there are a hundred people present. If you like, you can limit it to the main speaker plus another three or four.

How handy is that?! So, you're on a crammed beach in Brighton, and the sun is blistering, and suddenly you're sharing the sand with half the population of the South of England who are troughing it out of McDonald's cartons and playing Radio 1 out loud on their phones. One click from you, and you can choose to be there with only that nice family which clears up other people's litter, an elderly couple in straw hats doing the Telegraph crossword, and a spaniel.

Moving away from Zoom, there's the 'one walk a day' rule. What's more, the official advice is that it shouldn't take more than an hour and should be local to where you live.

Where have these people been in my life? For 57 years (nearly 58 - 27th April - thanks for asking and, yes, I prefer milk chocolate) I've been living by this principle and only NOW they tell us that it was always a good idea?

In future, when my husband says, 'How about a two-hour trek along the canal up the hill to see the locks?' I can say, 'Two hours? Two hours? Have you not been listening to the experts? And, anyway, this morning I walked down the garden to put carrot peelings on the compost. You want me to venture out TWICE?'

5. Finally, although it's not all good being prohibited from having people into your house, there are benefits to social distancing and I'm making the most of these while they last.

I don't have to vacuum my hall carpet.

 I don't have to vacuum my kitchen floor.

I don't have to vacuum my upper lip. And for that reason alone, lock down isn't so bad at all.


Upper lip, twelve weeks into lock down 










Comments

  1. Brilliant! I so agree with you about such things as Zoom. I couldn't believe it when I realised the host had the power to mute all participants. Fantastic. If we had that power in real life, just think of the dramatic effect it might have on relationships: much less conflict, annoyance, and misunderstandings, so much wasted time regained, so many things learned much more quickly... In fact I think it would change the world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe it would make a novel - a character who finds out they have the power to mute others and begins using it for evil means!

      Delete
  2. Haha! Loved this. We discovered the wallpaper changing powers right at the end of After Church Zoom Refreshments today . What an Easter present! Such fun. Great Post which made me laugh, as ever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I found out about using your own pictures so downloaded a picture of a wild animal which then appeared to be eating my head. Such fun!

      Delete
  3. Nodding in agreement, in between the laughing. I was just thinking today how nice it is to be able to be in my nightgown for hours and not have to worry about anyone coming to the door!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! I have to say, when we get back to normal, I'll be saying, 'Oh, hello stranger!' to some of my more formal clothing. Thanks for reading, Jenny :)

      Delete
  4. I haven't bothered with Zoom, so don't know its benefits. I'm just staying home like I always did before the virus, but now I don't get neighbours knocking on my door for a three hour chat. I'm fine with that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha - I can imagine! Actually, you could get all your neighbours together for a Zoom coffee morning and just casually break the bad news - you only get 40 minutes unless you start paying for a subscription. That'll limit them! Otherwise, as I say, there's the Mute button ...

      Delete
    2. get them all together?? I don't even like about 80% of them. No way.

      Delete
    3. River, I honestly love you.

      Delete
  5. A splendid romp round the possibilities of communication. I didn't know all that stuff about Zoom - I must try it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Zoom is brilliant. Talking to actual real people face to face is so last year.

      Delete
  6. This is too funny. That upper lip is looking way out of control. And now I must look up how to set a Zoom background for my next Zoom meetup. I'm thinking Caribbean Island.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just make sure you don't have a palm tree growing out of your left ear or something. People seem to find these things most amusing.

      Delete

Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reasons why Fran always carries a rolled-up newspaper

Evidence that lip enhancement can be achieved for under forty pounds.

Reasons to check everyone in the classroom has a pen