Reasons for keeping a wet cloth with you at all times
I looked this statement up in a newer translation of the Bible and it roughly translates as this:
'Serves you right, loser, for buying lip plumper lipgloss and thinking it would make you look like you had inside out lips worthy of any giant fish with an allergy issue when all it did was shine up your Thin Lips for everyone to see more clearly. Serves you right for thinking you could get away with keeping the lip gloss in your handbag without realising that unless you put the lid on really tightly it would leak its glutinous fluid so that every time you pulled it out of your bag in public, there would be a spare panty pad sticking to it. Serves you right for not realising that as well as displaying your spare panty pad to the world, it would also at various times stick itself to your a) mini sewing kit, b) packet of tissues and c) Cafe Nero loyalty card, making all your friends and family wonder why you couldn't just fetch these basic items out of your handbag yourself without needing a leaking lip gloss to help you. How about your fingers? Those ones God gave you for fine motor control tasks? Are they not sufficient?'
|Fran the Fish realised that wearing lip plumper wasn't everything when she found that some of the side effects included having your eyes suddenly move to the sides of your head and then losing your teeth|
It's been a generally very sticky day today, what with all of the above, and the fact that I made up a new recipe this morning that went very wrong.
A recipe that went very wrong
Ingredients and utensils needed
One cinnamon and raisin bagel
One third of a jar of Nutella chocolate spread
One spreading knife
One large cleaning cloth
Fourteen litres of soapy water
Slice the bagel in half and toast it. Feel smug, because you are not going to butter it as well as put one third of a jar of Nutella chocolate spread on it,so technically it is a diet food. Forget, however, that chocolate melts on hot toast. Feel smug, because the bagel has a hole in it, so technically is a diet food. Forget that the hole in the middle of the bagel, though absent of calories, may cause you a problem when spreading one third of a jar of Nutella chocolate spread on the bagel. Spread the one third of a jar of Nutella onto the two halves of the hot bagel. Sandwich the two halves together. Pick up the bagel to eat it. When the nearly-one-third of a jar of Nutella chocolate spread lands on the floor, having dripped through the hole in the bagel, spend a long, long time applying the final two ingredients to the floor, your face and your clothes. Finish the bagel while leaning over the kitchen sink.
My experience with the chocolate this morning prompted me to go and search for that clip from 'The Vicar of Dibley' ... the incident with the chocolate fountain. Don't worry if you've never seen the show before. It won't spoil your appreciation ....
Follow the link below.
A woman who knows what her priorities are