Evidence that lip enhancement can be achieved for under forty pounds.
Well, I did it. I went and got some injections and now I have Enormous Fat Lips, just like I said I wanted in a previous post.
You thought I never would, didn't you?
You thought I was joking, didn't you?
Well, I've done it.
The only thing is ....
- they're not permanent
- they're a little uneven
- I can feel them more than I can see them
and ....
- I got them at the dentist
Okay, so they're not the real thing, and only there because I had to have two fillings and therefore a shedload of anaesthetic enough to numb a herd of wildebeest. But just for a few hours, as I sit here, just returned from the dentist, my lips feel deliciously Massive.
And they only cost me £36. I bet celebrities pay a LOT more than that.
When I got on the bus back from the dentist, I had to speak to the bus driver, of course. And my lips felt so big, like two barrage balloons top and bottom, that instead of saying, 'Single to Leamington, please,' I said, 'Smibble doo Lebbyton, fleas' and it took us a while to sort the fare out. I wonder if this is how actresses feel when they've had theirs done. It must play havoc with the line-learning for a while, even if it does mean you can kiss Johnny Depp, George Clooney and Ewan McGregor all at once if you want to. And who wouldn't want to?
I did take one sneaky peek in my hand mirror on the bus. You know how it is - you're convinced you're dribbling saliva like a goon when you've just hadfillings your lips enlarged and I thought I'd better check. It was a complete come-down, feeling like I was going to be mistaken for Angelina Jolie and then looking in the mirror and realising that only my mind thinks I've got big lips. I've not felt so disappointed since I thought I'd lost seven stone and then remembered I was in the Hall of Mirrors at the fair.
You thought I never would, didn't you?
You thought I was joking, didn't you?
Well, I've done it.
The only thing is ....
- they're not permanent
- they're a little uneven
- I can feel them more than I can see them
and ....
- I got them at the dentist
Okay, so they're not the real thing, and only there because I had to have two fillings and therefore a shedload of anaesthetic enough to numb a herd of wildebeest. But just for a few hours, as I sit here, just returned from the dentist, my lips feel deliciously Massive.
And they only cost me £36. I bet celebrities pay a LOT more than that.
When I got on the bus back from the dentist, I had to speak to the bus driver, of course. And my lips felt so big, like two barrage balloons top and bottom, that instead of saying, 'Single to Leamington, please,' I said, 'Smibble doo Lebbyton, fleas' and it took us a while to sort the fare out. I wonder if this is how actresses feel when they've had theirs done. It must play havoc with the line-learning for a while, even if it does mean you can kiss Johnny Depp, George Clooney and Ewan McGregor all at once if you want to. And who wouldn't want to?
I did take one sneaky peek in my hand mirror on the bus. You know how it is - you're convinced you're dribbling saliva like a goon when you've just had
 |
| Fran couldn't afford plastic surgery, and the lips the dentist gave her only lasted a few hours. She wondered what other methods she could try without anyone noticing.... |
I asked my mate for a fat lip once.
ReplyDeleteAnd he hit me for free.
No way can I beat STEVE's comment, but I DO love your picture. When are you going to have the upper lip done? Also--nice tan!
ReplyDeleteThere was a woman who'd had a (disastrous? not sure what she'd hoped for) lip enhancement on our cruise (we cruisers see a lot of this kind of thing...), and it was HORRIBLE. So don't wish your lips away, Fran.
ReplyDeleteSteve - I think that would last longer than my dentist-lip did. I might try it.
ReplyDeletefishducky - Wait until you see what I've done to my earlobes.
Frances - and she went on a cruise? In public?
This look may also achieved by pressing lips against hot oven door.
ReplyDeleteI know this from experience.
Don't ask.
I'm not going to comment. I'm a bit squeamish and your commenters are putting my off my tea. So I'm just going to sigh.
ReplyDeleteWWWWWhhhhhhh.
Mwah, Mwah, Darlink ! You've joined us at last .
ReplyDeleteBrilliant Sulk - hey, how are you? Apart from lip-singed, that is?
ReplyDeleteIsabelle - sigh away. You have plenty of time for sighing, now you are retired ...
SmitandSon - I'm sorry, but while my lips were all numb and Feeling Big, my mwah-mwah would have been mbff mbff.
What an utter disappointment for you Fran. Why not use them cotton wool sausagey things that dentist shove in your gums? Not quite a perfect appearence - but near as damnit!
ReplyDeleteAnna :o]
Last time I was at the dentist I also left with a fat lip...and went to a job interview. I didn't get the job!
ReplyDeleteThe cotton wool sausagey things-comment just gave me goosebumps.
ReplyDeleteMy horse gave me a fat lip yesterday. She raised her head just as I bowed down to give her a kiss on the nose. And it hurt too.
I have never seen anyone looking better after being Botoxed :-)
Hypercryptical - Yeah, then I'd be well set up for a new career as an American footballer.
ReplyDeleteNana - I would hate to go to a job interview straight after the dentist. It's the am-I-drooling? thing.
Carolina - you bowed DOWN to kiss your horse? How tall ARE you?
Just read this to John in the car. He now needs a wee and we're stuck on the M25...
ReplyDeleteI was happy, very happy indeed, with your post until I saw the final picture. I love misfortune, provided it's others, not me, who experience it, but those lips are a misfortune too far.
ReplyDeleteSo glad it's not you, Fran. Save your money, that look wouldn't go down at all well in Leamington. Take my word for it.
Did you hear me roar with laughter when I got to 'dentist'? Clever you!
ReplyDeletesausage - now you're holding me responsible for other people's bladders ...
ReplyDeleteFriko - but they do it on purpose, and what's more, it's seen as beautiful ... All I know is, I think I'll stick with ear piercing.
hausfrau - I did now!
I bet you could achieve a similar look it you kissed some bees... except they're a bit fluffy aren't they?
ReplyDeleteOh I know the feeling well and fear that I will again experience it in a couple of weeks time when my appointment comes due.
ReplyDeleteI nicked some of my daughter's posh lip plumping gloss to get Angelina Jolie lips in time for my husband's return from work. It did the job but he didn't comment so I asked him if he noticed anything, "Yeah you've not washed up the breakfast stuff" was his reply.
ReplyDeletewasp stings work for me.
ReplyDelete