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Friday, 21 February 2014

Evidence that Fran may be better off going bare-necked

I cannot wear scarves as part of an outfit.  It's a shame, as they appear to be in fashion, and as regular readers will know, I am always one for a trend.  Just call me the Zeitgeist Blogger, and watch out for next week's post on purple corduroy flares, cheesecloth blouses and Bay City Roller tartan tank tops.

I have tried the scarf thing and have a selection of them.  But, whatever I do, and however I wrap them or arrange them, I end up looking as though I've been attacked by a patterned carpet and forcibly smothered.

For illustrative purposes, and to show you what I look like in a scarf, I am going to Google 'attacked by a carpet' and see what I find.  I cannot resist.  Back in a moment.











Hm.  Not many actual images of people being attacked by carpets at that very moment.  Life is so unfair.  But I did find this.  Seems a little harsh on the lady with the hair.






And then there's this one, which is a kind of 'prequel' picture, being the moment before the actual attack. But it really looks as though it's about to get nasty.  Look at the way the camera angle has given the carpet the attention here, in a manner of foreboding familiar to fans of Hitchcarpet and Quentin Tarugtino movies.





And this is Kim Karpetdashian.  A few of you may not have heard that she has been given a leading role in a movie called 'The Texas Stanley Knife Massacre'.  Here is the opening shot, just before the carpet, newly cut, leaps at her.


Anyway, what I'm really here to tell you is that a friend sent me a link to a video on Youtube which is called '25 ways to wear a scarf in 4.5 minutes'.  As I said to her, I could see several problems with trying to do this, including:

a) wouldn't people laugh if you wore your scarf 25 different ways in 4.5 minutes?
b) how would you drink your coffee/gin and tonic/medication?
c) wouldn't you get scarf burn?

But then I watched the video, and it's the funniest 4.5 minutes I've had today, even though I've done the following things:

a) read a P G Wodehouse story called 'The Custody of the Pumpkin'
b) studied parts of an Oscar Wilde play called 'The Importance of Being Earnest'
c) looked in the mirror by accident when I only had my socks on

Please watch it, and ask yourself, as I did, the following questions:

a) Can one wrap a scarf around one's neck in the 'Boa' style and still feel safe?
b) Are there links between the ancient art of Origami and contemporary scarf-wearing no one has yet discerned?
c) Is it just a coincidence, or do many of these styles make her look as though she's been attacked by a carpet?

Here's the link to the video.

Evidence that Fran may be better off going bare-necked anyway

23 comments:

  1. Love it Fran. Laughing loudly here in Cyprus... while wearing the spoils of my latest scarf-wrestling incident. Tempted to send a photo of my attempt at the 'bunny ears'. definitely a look intended only for those likely to give a safety demonstration, hand out mysteriously unidentifiable food, or absentmindedly pour coffee into people's laps. (can you tell I only ever fly Easyjet?)

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  2. I really think the bunny ears photo is a must ... Thanks for your comment. Glad you liked the blog. Thanks for the inspiration!

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  3. Goodness. Some people just don't have enough to occupy their minds (I mean her, not you). That young lady looks so beautiful - she doesn't have to cover up her ageing neck. But I suppose some day it'll come in useful for her. I could do with covering up my a. n. but I prefer to be able to turn my head. I think her neck is longer than mine... .

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    1. Are you sure you didn't mean me?.... I think you would be completely justified. You made me laugh .. 'I prefer to be able to turn my head'!!

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  4. If Isadora Duncan were alive today she would tell you that scarfs are very over-rated.

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    1. How did she die? Was it the Boa thing?

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    2. Got caught up in the back wheel of her motor car whilst on a drive. Death by Jeremy Clarkson would have been preferable.

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  5. So many ways to wear the scarf! I use the European loop for mine in the winter, but don't bother with a scarf in the summer. In our heat, that's just asking for trouble. I like the idea of summer scarves now that my chest area is beginning to wrinkle, when the neck goes too, maybe I'll get a nice silk scarf or something. Now I know why so many aging actresses in the past wore scarves and high necklines.

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    1. Yes, there's nothing quite so off-putting as a wrinkly cleavage on an ageing celebrity ... especially when they've had a lot of plastic surgery done on their face to make it wrinkle-free. The contrast is disturbing.

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  6. Don't want to boast or anything , but I've been able to do The Toss for a while , now . It obviously runs in the family ... my great-granny could do The Wrap .
    So , only 23 to go .......

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  7. think I'd tie myself up in knots ! fun though

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    1. Ah, they haven't made the 'How to Get Yourself Out of a Knotted Scarf' video yet. You could be in trouble.

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  8. Haha! Brilliant!! Who thinks of the names for these things? I would like to nominate some names - how about The Neckbreaker (thick scaves) The Coatstuffer (the plumpy version to pad out a baggy coat, The Discordant Note (when your scarf doesn't actually match at all) Fab post :)

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  9. And the 'Specsavers' ... when you find you've accidentally knotted a pair of pyjama trousers round your neck and are doing a presentation at work.

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  10. I can't do scarf stuff.

    Love,
    Janie, who feels worthless

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    1. Don't feel worthless. The world needs us, the scarflexics, to make people who look amazing in scarves feel better. Think of it that way.

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  11. Amazing video! How did they find 25 identical women to demonstrate their scarves?

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    1. That comment made me smile! Thanks, Paul. And, having watched the video, I'm assuming that you have picked up some good tips for wearing scarves in a stylish manner. I look forward to the photos.

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  12. I've never been big on the fashion scarf but it's a good woolly one is must in winter. I find getting a colour that compliments your complexion is essential. If I wear a pale colour it makes my face melt into my shoulders or a rebellious Goth. Darker colours suit me better but I still look ill.

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    1. Ah, that'll be why people keep trying to rush me into hospital.

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  13. Is there one missing?
    The one where she accidentally strangles herself with her scarf?

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    1. Yeah, but I thought I'd better not post that video ...

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