Being Me

5.30 am.  Alarm goes off.  Chanting 'Leave me alone, world; I promise I am really a log' has no effect so I roll out of bed.  Am meant to be attending a meeting at a university in Birmingham, 20 miles away, instead of going into school to moderate Year 10 coursework with the rest of my department.  Bathroom freezing.  Even the soap is cold. 6.45 am.  Wait for a bus to the station so I can catch a train to Birmingham.  Sleet slaps at my face.  Bus comes on time.  Get on bus.  Am convinced that I don't need to ring the bell as we approach the station, because, surely, lots of other people will be getting off here.  Bus doesn't slow down.  No one else moves.  Feel too silly to ring the bell now.  Walk to front of bus and stand just to the right of the driver. (He can't miss me.  No one would mistake me, it has to be said, for a stick insect.)  He begins to drive out of the station.  'Are you going to stop here?'  I say.  'Only if you ring the bell,' h

There can never be enough pie in contemporary culture, and it's good to see people recognising this.  Recently, we've had 'The Life of Pie', a gripping tale about a boy stranded in the Pacific with only a Cornish pasty for company which he eventually manages to tame, thank goodness.  These traditional pastry products have a reputation for unpredictability.  I really enjoyed this when I saw it at the cinema, because it was in 3D, and there's nothing so thrilling as seeing a flake of crumbly pastry swimming rapidly towards the middle of your forehead. Everyone loves a bit of Bond (that old double-croissant) and even more people like a bit of pastry with their Bond, which is why I think 'Piefall' was such a hit.  And now we all know what the M stands for; whether your preference is beef, chicken or ham, M is such an essential ingredient. The best way to cook a good pie is in a traditional oven and this is why I was pleased to see how well 'Aga' did

Still on the subject of hospitals, although on a more light-hearted note, I was in the Outpatients Clinic today for an appointment, and heard this interaction between a nurse and a patient. Patient: Could you tell me where I should go to get my bloods done, Nurse? Nurse: (pointing) Yes, of course, sir.  You just follow the little red dots on the floor and you'll get to Phlebotomy. Patient: Red dots? Nurse: Yes, they're painted on the floor all along the corridor.  They'll lead you there. Yes, I know.  You can't believe it either. Here's how I think the conversation could have developed .... Patient: Oh, thank you.  Well, after my bloods, I have an appointment with Urology.  Can you direct me there? Nurse: Oh, you just follow the yellow line down that corridor there, then turn left. Patient: Next week I'm coming with my wife to the Gynaecologist.  Where's that? Nurse: Oh, that's just down this corridor opposite.  There's a  Fallop