Being Me

Is there anyone else as useless as I am at choosing and buying clothes? In the past week, I have had all these fashion disasters. 1. I bought a pair of linen trousers which fitted perfectly in the changing room, forgetting that after an hour's wear, linen trousers stretch to two sizes bigger, bagging around your bottom as though you'd lost three stone and flapping across your thighs like a tarpaulin in a strong wind. Then, of course, it's too late to take them back to the shop. ('It says these were size 18, Madam, when you bought them. How come they're now big enough to camp a family in?') 2. Conversely, I bought a pair of black trousers for work, which seemed fine in the changing room, early in the morning on a breakfast of yogurt and fruit. However, the next day, after porridge for breakfast, a lunch at work of ham sandwiches and someone's birthday cake, a few Party Rings someone left on a desk, and five mugs of restorative teacher-tea, I walked ho

I am leaving my current teaching post on Friday and moving on to another post. But isn't it just the way? As soon as you decide you need to make a change, what you have seems infinitely attractive. It's the same in all aspects of life..... 'Oh, hi. Can I make an appointment for a haircut, please. My hair is SO messy at the moment. It's everywhere, and I can't stand another minute of it. The sooner it's cut, the better.' '4.30 on Friday?' 'Yes, that's great. Thanks.' 'Okay - I've written you again - see you then -' 'Hey, hang on a sec.' 'Yes?' 'I'm just looking in the mirror here, and as soon as you said, '4.30 on Friday?' my messy hair suddenly looked buoyant, springy, healthy and alluring. I do believe I have turned into the L'Oreal girl. Cancel that appointment.' Three minutes after cancelling the hair appointment, things began to deteriorate again.  'Hello? Doc

My sister bought me a grater for my recent birthday. She'd read this post  mentioning difficulties with controlling grated carrot  and decided to help me out. The grater has a container underneath it which is meant to catch all the gratings. Here it is. It's very shiny and sharp. You know how when you decorate a room, the rest of your house looks shabby and ashamed? My old grater looked the same, once compared with the newcomer - all sorry for itself in its decrepitude - so we threw it away and my husband said he'd find a place for the new one in a kitchen cupboard. I was going to use it this afternoon. My husband went out for a walk, and I'd done seven hours' solid A level marking, having started at eight in the morning, after which I think I deserved a five course meal in a Heston Blumenthal restaurant and a night in the Hilton, let alone flippin' cheese on toast. I put some bread under the grill. I got the butter ready. I found the cheese in the fridge