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Sunday, 29 March 2009

The Three Bears meets Tarantino

Once upon a time, there were three bears. Father Bear had obsessive compulsive disorder and in the mornings would only eat food that was stone-coloured, thick and gluey. So it was porridge for breakfast again, no matter how many times Baby Bear spat into it and said he preferred Coco Pops. He was a little tyke and his nursery teachers didn’t know what to do with him.

Mother Bear was stirring the porridge with her stump because Baby Bear was using the wooden spoon as an imaginary AK47. The stump was the result of an unfortunate encounter with a neighbour, one of those domestic niggles about chucking snails into next door’s garden. Mrs B didn’t like to talk about it.

There was a knock at the door and a blonde poked her head round. “Is this Cafe Nero?” she said. She pronounced both ‘cafĂ©’ and ‘Nero’ with the emphasis on the second syllables and that was something Father Bear had never been able to stand in a woman. In a flash, he’d jumped up, grabbed the bubbling pot from off the Primus (things weren’t good financially, what with having to keep changing Baby Bear to a new nursery) and poured the porridge over the blonde’s head. She slumped to the floor, covered in breakfast. Baby Bear yelled like a Red Indian and, just to finish things off, broke a chair over her prostrate body while Mother Bear shook her head and scratched her right ear with her stump, wondering whether there was enough bread for toast.

14 comments:

  1. Simply another day in the life, eh? :)

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  2. Hi there!

    I have no idea why Father Bear did that! I don't get it, I guess I have low IQ? LOL.

    Much Love,

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  3. HAHAHA. Hilarious! Gory, but still hilarious. LOL!

    Thanks for the laughs.

    Also, thanks for visiting my page today. About scrabble: you have to be a really good strategist too. Rematch! :)

    Have a great day!

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  4. Hi Fran,
    Thanks for commenting on my story on Pygmy Giant, really glad you enjoyed it. I just discovered PG too - it's great, isn't it?
    Have been having a look at your blog, the entry about the watch and your kids' printer excuses for not having done their homework gave me a good chuckle.
    If you've got any short stories you'd like commenting on, let me know.
    All the best,
    Rebecca

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  5. Just tried posting a comment but didn't seem to work....??
    Thanks for commenting on my work on The Pygmy Giant, much appreciated. Let me know if you have any short stories you'd like to be read.
    Really enjoyed having a chuckle at your blog
    Best wishes
    Rebecca

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  6. Ha ha! Sounds like just another crazy day in the average family's life! That post made me laugh Fran. Just came across to say Hello! Thanks for all the nice comments you left on my blog. I was on Fuel My Blog tonight and added you as a friend. Have also added your link so I can find you easily.

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  7. Hey, that's very cool, Fran (you seem to understand American culture well, or maybe you in the UK aren't so different). I would call it a Surrealist fairy tale as well, but don't give Tarantino any credit (why should you? - this is yours).

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  8. Hey, Jola - just another day in the life of a very odd family of bears, yes. Perhaps a little therapy called for though. Thanks for dropping by.

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  9. Half Crazy - I have no idea why Father Bear did that either. But I never did understand the male species, bear or non-bear.

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  10. Hi Rebecca - your comment did work! Thanks for coming by, and for appreciating the posts. Might well post on Pygmy Giant once I've followed for a while.

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  11. Hi Naomi - welcome to my world! Glad you enjoyed the post. Watch out for more of the same. I love the fairy tales and their possibilities for amendment ...

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  12. Hi Mark - thanks for dropping in again. Having said it was 'Tarantino' style, I've never watched a Tarantino movie in my life. I just know it means 'blood, gore and violence'. (That's why I haven't watched them ... too squeamish.)

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  13. haha

    this is hilarious

    a baby bear with an AK47, now that's soemthing I'd like to see in the cinemas!

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  14. Richii - start writing the screenplay before anyone else does ...

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