Welcome! You have found the home of 'Being Me', Fran Hill's blog. If you like what you read, you will enjoy my new book 'Miss, What Does Incomprehensible Mean?' published by SPCK Publishing. My website is at www.franhill.co.uk. Come and visit for more Fran info!
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How not to get satire published
You may have noticed that, here and there, in amongst the gravely intellectual posts I usually write, I do some less serious stuff. 'Essential Writers', a writers' blog, has published an article by me about how to write satire, or, more accurately, how not to ... Check it out if you're interested.
Ben Cottam (@TheCottam) posted this statement on Twitter today: 'When you're growing up, no one ever tells you how much of your adult life will be spent pushing tumbling Tupperware into cupboards.' I know, right? Why does no one say? And what else does no one tell you about adult life, particularly later adult life? I have made a list. 1. That one day you will say, 'They'll freeze, dressed like that,' and 'Let's go home. It's nearly 10pm,' and think nothing of it. 2. That a summer will come when you will start the days dressed in cardigan and socks and only take them off when it's warm enough to leave the kitchen door open. 3. That police officers, teachers and nurses, rather than getting older, get younger, birthday by birthday, and that one day you will be burgled and then visited by a seven year old with a notebook and a helmet. 4. That the music in pubs and clubs becomes louder, brasher and more sweary, year on year, so that
It's nearly a month since Christmas and I still have my pile of books and notebooks from friends and family on a chair by the sofa. I can't bring myself to put them all away. There's no reason why I should. No one's dared to move the pile so that they can sit sat on the chair for a while anyway. But these are lovely presents: novels, books of poetry, books about poetry, delicious notebooks .... what's not to like? I haven't always received such pleasing gifts. I was married in April 1982. At the end of that month, I turned 20. Yes, a young bride, and one who wasn't so delighted with her birthday present from her new husband. 'I've bought you an ironing board cover, too,' he said, looking pleased. 'It's the right size. I've checked.' And indeed he had. It was prettier than the plain blue one on this picture: flowery and cheerful. He had tried. Nevertheless, we had words. I was compassionate, don't worry. I was his first
1. You remember when scrambled eggs were cooked in saucepans. 2. You're not alarmed by one of these. 3. You own a ceramic mixing bowl the size of a canyon. 4. You feel fleeting remorse over bought pastry. 5. To you, a large apron is something you wear for baking, not an overhanging belly. 6. You have a book in which you have written recipes. Some pages are stained with syrup or oil. 7. You do own a bendy silicone muffin tin but you're suspicious of it. 8. You have cinnamon sticks in a jar but have yet to google 'What to do with cinnamon sticks'. 9. You've claimed you had a spiraliser as a child but found you were wrong .... 10. You've had a favourite knife since 1993 and still use it even though you have new ones. 11. When you make crumbles, you always say, 'This is how we did it in Domestic Science.' 12. You know about not slamming an oven door when there's a Victoria sponge in there. 13. You measure in ounces and if the recipe uses