Evidence that I can only cope with easy questions like 'Would you like some chocolate right now?'

If I knew what a 'meme' was - and I still don't, even though people keep saying it - it would help.  I don't know whether to say 'I've been memed by Steve at Bloggertropolis' or 'Steve has given me a meme' or 'Here's some memming which Steve has made me do'.  Whichever way, I hate him.  Look at these questions he's sent me to answer.  What would YOU do with them? 

1. God gives you a free ticket to spend the night with absolutely anybody in the world and the entirety of history – whom do you choose? 

Someone who knows how to use who and whom proper like what you do.

2. Frankie Howard or Frankie Boyle? (This is a separate question and is not related to no. 1 above.)

I don't know who Frankie Boyle is.  I'm not good on culture.  Comedian?  Actor?  Street cleaner?  Whoever he is, as I don't know him, I'll go for Frankie Howard.  Although, as he's dead, this could be a tedious meeting - I'll bring a book.

3. What life skill or ability do you wish you possessed? 

Not laughing at serious moments like funerals or announcements of tragedies.  It doesn't go down well with the rellies.

4. If it takes Johnny three hours to fill a bath with water using a colander and a train travelling at 90mph takes 2 hours to reach it’s destination why does Britain no longer have the right to call itself Great? 

If it takes Fran three hours to work out what the hell this question is about and the answer to that question takes for ever to reach her brain, how is she ever meant to get to bed?

5. Have you ever genuinely wished to be a member of the opposite sex (or are you that already)?

Steve, you are a man.  I am a woman.  That means I am a member of the opposite sex.

6. Do you have any embarrassingly weird interests or hobbies – and if so please explain in detail?

I pick privet leaves off hedges and make little faces in them with my fingernails.  I can't think of one person who would want to read any more detail on that one.

7. Dance, Punk, Goth, Metal, Grunge, Pop, Country, Folk or Classical? The choice is yours.

The choice isn't mine at all.  I am force-fed Classic FM and if I hear Pachobel's Canon one more time I will slit my own throat.

8. If you could change anything about your current lifestyle / life situation, what would it be? And what would you keep?

I want to live in a house like the one in 'Brideshead Revisited' and have cocktails at 4 and dress for dinner.  However, I would still want to keep having egg and chips for dinner sometimes and this may not go down well with the butler.

9. If you were a packet of crisps what flavour would you be?

If I were a packet of crisps I doubt whether I'd have much say.  Do crisps have rights?  

10. Describe the sandwich of the gods. 

Two slices of white bread with Zeus and Triton in the middle and a good helping of mayo.

Now, anyone who would like to have a go at answering these questions, be my guest.  And keep taking the medication.  It will work if you stick at it.


  1. I know this is off-topic but I SO agree with you about the great gatsby... And I feel guilty too - my best friend (and Oxford English graduate) say it is the most perfect novel ever written!

  2. I have no idea who Steve is, but I would answer these questions exactly as you have. Except for the one about crisps. I would definitely be Kettle Baked Jalapeno Potato Chips, which say "Eat me! Eat me!" every day just before dinner ... and I am happy to oblige.

  3. love your answers.......and when you find out what a "meme" is, puleeze let me know.

  4. Hee hee. I'll pass on the offer, but your answers made me laugh.

    And what do you reckon - is it pronounced "meem" or "Me Me"? Another blogworld mystery. One or two would be enough in one blogger's lifetime anyway.

  5. Anonymous6/7/10 23:14

    I agree absolutely with 1. and 2.,
    and then it just got better!
    Excellent post. Very witty. Thanks for this.

    All the best, Boonsong

  6. A Zeus and Triton sandwich?!

    That's postively disgusting!

    Hmm. Wonder if I could do the same with Venus and Athena?

    Meme completed with aplomb. I like your answer to no. 8. If ever I get a stately gaff I shall invite you round for egg and chips. There'll be brown sauce if you want it.

  7. Chortle. F Boyle is rude. You shouldn't know about him. F Howerd was also rude. At least F Boyle doesn't wear a dodgy wig.

  8. Now that made me shriek with laughter, Fran. Top marks for your answers!

  9. How do you do it?
    How do you keep being hilarious, every single post?

  10. Anonymous7/7/10 04:56

    Hm, yes, I'd like to stick to chocolate questions. I laughed at your weird thingy with the privet leaves - very brave of you to admit to that. :-)

    I have conversations with a stuffed rabbit.

  11. You pick leaves off bushes too!!!! I tear mine into little squares and geometric patterns. What does all this mean????

  12. Very, very funny ! What is with you UK gals ? - such a wonderful sense of humour. I arrived here via Slow Lane and will most definitely be back. Love your mini book reviews at sidebar. xo Susan & les Gang

  13. Billygean - I am so glad you said that. I was having a severe dose of Gatsby-guilt.

    Lesley - click on Steve's name to find out who he is. And you sound as though you'd be very tasty as a crisp. If your current job doesn't work out, give it a whirl.

    Boonsong - you are currently my most grateful-sounding follower. Take a free bar of chocolate/glass of wine/plate of green beans - whatever floats your boat.

    Rachel - I was thinking exactly that yesterday. If the pronunciation is Me Me, and my blog is called Being Me, does that mean I did a Being Me Me Me?

    Lo - I have decided deliberately not to find out what a meme is. It is much more interesting not to know. It makes me enigmatic. (My new word for ignorant.)

    Steve - it's a long time since anyone said 'you did your homework very well'. In fact, thinking back to my schooldays, that may well be the ONLY time.

    Isabelle - Yes, I remember the wigs! Didn't they used to slip?

    Linds - another one who gives me top marks! I'm lovin' this teacher-lingo.

    June - thanks for your lovely comment. I don't know what happens. I just find everything hilarious. As I say, it causes me no end of trouble.

    Christine - I think you win in the weird habit stakes there.

    Alan - I think it means we are both crazy. This isn't news for me. How about you?

    Susan - how nice to make your acquaintance! And thanks for reading my book reviews. I'm never sure whether people do, so it's nice when someone says something about them. Actually, I guess they're not really 'reviews', or if they are, they are very irreverent ones and yet again prove why the Times Literary Supplement never responds to my pitches.

  14. Wow, that looked like hard work. Sandwich of the gods? Frankie Boyle?

    No thanks.

  15. Talli - it wasn't hard work. Hard work would have been trying to answer the questions in a respectful, serious way. Answering them flippantly was a breeze. Funny how I find it so easy to be frivolous.

  16. Do you know who made up the word meme? Richard Dawkins. Figures.

  17. You do that thing with privet leaves too? I no longer feel alone, or quite so special. If you have room for another in Brideshead I would be happy to come along. Can I have kedgeree for breakfast and the occasional fried egg sandwich?

  18. Cornflower - really? why?

    elizabethm - we should start a privet club. A private privet club. We will meet once a year and eat fried egg sandwiches and then discuss the different things we do with privet. Don't you get so annoyed when the privet isn't snappy enough? Picking a flaccid privet leaf is just the most disappointing moment.

  19. Frankie Boyle?

    Was amused until the very end with sandwich of the gods, then laughed out loud - love that answer!!!

  20. For the record, yes, crisps do have rights.

  21. Oh thank the lord, somebody else who doesn't understand memes. But thank the lord again, they do exist and that somebody sent you one, because otherwise I would not have been able to digest my lunch nearly so well. That's what laughing's for, isn't it, Miss??

    I love you. But you're a liar, cause I know the real answer to #1 is George Clooney.

    #10 brought me to my knees. There really is nobody like Me.

  22. Post A Levels, I floated around Castle Howard (nothing to do with Frankie and everything to do with Brideshead) for a whole day, dressed in a long, peach chiffon frock, with daisies plaited through my hair.

    My friend, Richard, dressed in his cricket whites looked dashing - and was thus allowed to accompany me to the rose garden.

    My best friend, Bug, was wearing a promotional t-shirt (I'm a Vantage Chemist Shopper) and a pair of garishly-patterned boxer shorts which he thought he could pass off as 'outer wear.'

    He had to wait in the car.

  23. Brahm - thanks for dropping by. Glad I made you laugh. That's what I like to hear.

    Whispering Writer - is there, like, a whole crisp constitution? Please send me a copy.

    Deborah - Look, if Georgey-boy can do the whole 'who' and 'whom' thing, maybe, but otherwise he can sling his hook.

    Moptop - your Bug sounds like a real maverick, bless him.

  24. Anonymous9/7/10 07:55

    Whatever floats my boat....?
    Crocodile soup. It has a bite to it.....
    Have a nice day from
    Gushingly Grateful Boonsong

  25. Excellent answers.

    Completely mad, but excellent.

    To Rachel ^up there^, apparently it is said 'meem', as in: theme.

  26. You DO know who Frankie Boyle is. The rude one on Mock the Week. Sat next to Hugh Dennis. I imagine your answer will still be the same, though.

    A meme is just a big list of pointless questions that people answer and then send around to everyone else to see if they'll answer them. See, internet savvi-ness has advantages.

  27. Hillel - aahh! THAT'S Frankie Boyle! What would I do without you to tell me what I know?!

  28. Kit - thanks for the pronunciation tip. But what does it MEAN? Where does it come from?


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