That's what's called 'an impossible task', perhaps as difficult as this ....
Perhaps even more difficult than this ....
... but definitely more difficult than persuading a man to ask for directions or pick socks up.
When I had my kids, mums didn't meet in cafes - we met in each other's wattle and daub houses. We ate each other's failed carrot cake, drank each other's vile coffee, whispered criticisms of each other's home decor to the person next to us, and tried to pretend that we didn't mind each other's children grinding chocolate into our beige carpets and punching the lights out of our newborn babies.
It was really, really fun.
One tip I would like to share, if you are a mommy who meets others in your houses, is that when the icecream van comes round and plays its tune, you have a pact with each other that the first mother who hears it starts up a VERY LOUD RENDITION of 'Five Little Speckled Frogs' with which everyone else will join in.
The other way of saving on icecream is to tell your children that the icecream man only plays his tune when he has run out of icecream. This may seem cruel. That's because it is.
I have some advice for cafe mommies, trying to socialise AND keep the children occupied. Set them some challenges. Little people love challenges. First, strap them into their buggies/pushchairs, then ....
Challenge 1. How long does it take to turn fourteen serviettes into a snowdrift so that my buggy wheels disappear?
Challenge 2. What noises can I make while eating a large piece of toffee? (During this challenge, any non-verbal communication the child attempts should be ignored until the challenge is over.)
Challenge 3. If I am given a tube of superglue to play with, what are the chances I will get it into the clasps which fasten me into my buggy?
Challenge 4. If, every time I say, 'Mommy, Mommy, Mommy' or yell or scream, Mommy feeds me a spoonful of chilli-flavour double espresso, how long will it take me to learn to cope with boredom?
|'Oh YUK. And I thought mashed broccoli was bad!'|