More evidence that people who carry umbrellas on dry days are particularly sensitive

(Oh dear.  I have lost a follower since writing yesterday's post.  I need to write a carefully-worded and sincere apology.)

Dear Woman with Unnecessary Umbrella

Please forgive me. If I'd known you were one of my followers, of course I wouldn't have written about you.  In future, any time you want to walk around with your umbrella up when it's dry, looking like a prize banana, please, of course, go ahead.  It's totally your prerogative, should you want to make yourself the laughing stock of Warwickshire, to do so.  It really isn't up to others to comment on the fact that keeping your umbrella up when it's not raining is the most ridiculous, bizarre behaviour; I accept that, I really do, and wouldn't dream of judging you for it.

Yours most sincerely,

The Woman Who Told You it Wasn't Raining To Try and Stop You Making a Damn Fool of Yourself

(Phew.  Glad that's done.  She'll be back tomorrow, I'm sure.)


  1. What insulted me most was the fact you thought I was a woman.


  2. Jules - so do I. I really want to meet her again. But perhaps on a wet day, when her umbrella use is more reasonable.

    Steve - ha ha. If you will dress in that plunge-neckline diamante cocktail dress and sashay down the High Street, what do you expect? Oh ... not you? Sorry.

  3. Anonymous19/9/10 12:00

    I've only got 28 followers, so I'd better not post my toilet paper trailing from under skirt story in case it offends...

    One has to be so careful. :-)

  4. Well, if that doesn't get her back, I don't know what will:)

  5. You are a miracle of tact.

  6. Christine - come on, you know you want to.

    Alexandra - When you say 'get her back' I'm guessing you mean in the 'reclaim her as a follower' sense and not the 'total revenge' sense.

    Isabelle - It's so good when people understand you. I feel so reassured by your confidence in me.

  7. Oooh Fran, I always take is personally when a follower disappears [shudder - in fact I reckon every blogger shudders when even one follower disappears].

    However, in this particular case I do have an explanatory theory. Your ex-follower was probably from Hong Kong. They all use umbrellas out there to shade themselves from the sun. And because she is foreign, she probably didn't have a clue what you were writing about. Which would have been boring for her to read.

  8. I think I might need to copy that if the need should ever arise that I need such an apology!! That was truly a work of art!

  9. Hehe.

    We can't use umbrellas in my part of the world - even when it's raining - it's always way too windy.


  10. Annie - I am most reassured by your entirely convincing theory.

    Shirley - Feel free to copy. Tact is my middle name.

    Suzanne - So you get wet and then quickly dry. That's a very sensible system.

  11. Did she come back, Fran? Very strange behaviour altogether, its a bit 'Famous Five' really,
    'The Case of the Disappearing blog Follower'

  12. Brigid - they didn't have umbrellas in 'The Famous Five' stories. It never rained. Sun, sun, sun all the way so that they could sit in strange wooded areas and eat scones and lots of lemonade.

  13. Ha, maybe she's shielding herself from the sun? She's pretending it's a parasol, apparently.

  14. Oh Dear Fran I hope you have learned a lesson from all this. After a few very bad social gaffes I may never get over and won't talk about, now I will not even point out to someone that they have accidentally left their baby on the bus.

  15. I was going to write a witty reply but I have been sat here struck dumb thinking about Famous Five stories and whether any of them used an umbrella. Surely Julian would have strode around town with one, whacking insignificant peasants out of the way on his route to the office? Even if he was 12? Although I think you are right; there were no lashings of rain, just of ginger beer.

  16. Calling her a prize banana will certainly win her over , can't fail .

  17. Whispering Writer - a parasol? But it was the size of the Americas!

    Linens and Royals - That made me laugh, thinking of you seeing someone leave their baby behind and just looking out of the window, pretending not to see.

    Jayne - You're dead right about Julian - of course he would have done. And then those insignificant peasants would have turned to crime. And then the FF would have met them in a smuggler's cave in Cornwall the following year.

    SmitandSon - I'm glad you appreciate my tact.


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