Why I was glad today to be Fran at her Street Party and not Kate at her Wedding

1. At my street party, only 43 people could have been looking at me at any one time.

2. I could just make up my words as I went along.  I haven't had to practise saying, 'Hi, what number do you live at?' for weeks and weeks, worrying about whether I'd say, 'Number what live do you at, Hi? by mistake.

3. Showering myself with icing sugar when biting into a cake didn't matter so much as it would have done had I been wearing a 2011 Sarah Burton dress rather than my Bon Marche fleece bought in 1994.

4. I only had to walk out of my front door and into the road, not along fourteen miles of red carpet dragging enough material to dress all of the Chinese.

5. I didn't have four toddlers following me who could have needed a wee at any time.

6. There were no men in dresses at my event.

7. No one tried to put a ring on me, in the process finding out that I was nervous and sweaty.

8. No one got hold of my dress and lifted it up at the back.

9. It was okay to pop back indoors for a frayed woolly jumper when I got cold without worrying that a) pulling it over my head might risk catching it on the diamond tiara and b) anyone photographing the event might make me take it off.

10. When neighbours asked if they could see round our house because they live on the other side of the street and had never seen houses our side, it was okay to say yes because my grandma-in-law a) wasn't in and b) isn't the monarch.

The street's reaction to Fran's stylish wearing of her 1994 fleece was only to be expected 


  1. Ah, but did you get to ride in an Aston Martin? Eh? Eh? Eh?

    See, not feeling to glib now, are you?

  2. The Bon Marche fleece , bunny slippers and scrunchie look favoured by all St Andrews students seems to have been vetoed by the Queen for today .
    A bit harsh , given that William only really feels comfortable dressed like all his old mates . Never mind , Granny has no say in the choice of going-away outfits . He'd love to see you there , waving them off .

  3. Ahem, Grandmama is monarch I think you'll find. She has no mother in law, lucky baggage. Just a step mother in law. That hardly counts surely?. Fat fingers heh heh. I have something in common with Kate after all.

  4. PS, you'll find me on twitter as @count_stuff

  5. We were surrounded by little girls who loudly announced their need for a wee at any time, today. Thankfully, there was some timely lifting of dresses when called for.

  6. Blimey, I watched it in America and there wasn't a street party in sight. I loved the comparisons though! An unusual and distinctly 'Fran' take on the Royal wedding he he!

  7. I worried about those toddlers too, and thought it was awfully brave of the bridesmaid to take responsibility for them. May I lend you my tiara to go with the fleece if you're still partying?

  8. Steve - you're right - I would love to have driven to my street party in an Aston Martin - a little unnecessary, but quite a statement.

    SmitandSon - you know, bunny slippers would go so well with my fleece. I will consider a purchase.

    Martin H - rather you than me, although one day we'll have grandchildren and it will start ALL over again ...

    Annie M - The street party was fun. Lots of cakes. And cakes. And more cakes. Yum.

    Invisible Woman - you're right, you're right. I've changed it! Thank you!

    BB - !!

    mise - Thanks for the offer, but I hate to be too coordinated. It shows others up.

  9. Loved the whole thing having been fed up and sniffy about the press coverage for weeks. You see they got me, old and cynical as I am. But you are so totally right about the glory of not being Kate. Thanks be to God, if there is one.

  10. So funny. You missed out on meeting the Beckhams though. You could have asked Victoria how she got her hat to stay on.

  11. elizabethm - And I have a balding husband anyway.

    Karen - I would have asked Victoria why she wore black ....

  12. Apparently, Channel 9 in Australia had Dame Edna Everage doing the commentary. What a shame we couldn't have that here!

  13. It's not often I disagree with you, Fran (well, apart from your cruelty to children and animals) but this time... hmm. Would I rather be a plump 60-year-old with a little house and garden and a very small prospective pension, or a beautiful slender rich 29-year-old who's going to get to live at Highgrove one day? It's a hard one but - no, I'd rather be Kate. Sorry.

  14. Oh, and can I see round your house too, please?

  15. Martin - or maybe Terry Wogan. I still miss him from the Eurovision Song Contest.

    Isabelle - arrrggghh, don't mention the word pensions.

  16. I would have to say 'No, I'm afraid you can't see round my house at the mo - we've been burgled & the Police are still dusting' It LOOKS like we've been burgled even though I have been frantically dusting.
    Joe wants to be a Prince but missed the Aston Martin bit ( his favourite car is an Aston Martin DB9) I missed it too but watched up until the balcony bit with the bridesmaid sticking her fingers in her ears ( one of the little bridesmaides - not gorgeous Pippa ! )

  17. I should think you're also relieved to be able to ride the bus without fifty-seven paparazzi climbing on board after you.

  18. I am one with Isabelle and vote for being a gorgeous Princess/Queen who will never have to wash a window or bleach a loo in her entire life.

    Anna May x

    ps: Heard on the radio this morning Catherine's dress cost £250,000 !

  19. bad penny - I have to say, I was a little nervous showing people round unprepared, but some judicious standing in front of piles of washing seemed to work okay.

    Deborah - yes, but what a blog post that would make!!

    Anna May - £250,000! That's the cost of a HOUSE. I am outraged. Especially as she dragged a lot of it across the ground.

  20. Much as I loathe housework I'm with you on being glad I'm not Kate!

  21. As a male colonial, I found the royal hoopla interesting. We, of course have a president, so we are amazed by it all. So, Long live the royals and your street parties. By the way could you circle yourself in the photo and run a photo of your Aston-Martini?

  22. I'm sad that no. 8 didnt happen for you, Fran, thats normally a good sign at a party.
    We watched the wedding in our fleeces too and still had the nerve to critize peoples outfits.


Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

Evidence that overflowing Tupperware cupboards aren't the only problem later life brings

Reasons why Fran can now forgive the ironing board incident

Evidence from your kitchen that you are not as young as you were