Evidence that the wee small hours can transform a Mommy into a monster - another not-a-Mommy-blogger post

It's a long, long time since I had to get up in the night to feed or change a baby.  These days, I only get up in the night to check that I'm still alive before dropping back off.

But I still remember, even though it was so long ago, that the sweet and loving things one said about Baby in the daytime were often translated into something quite different at three o'clock in the morning ....

Daytime: 'Yes, he's got a healthy pair of lungs on him, that's for sure.  Cute, eh?'

Nighttime: 'Darling, I can't stand Baby's noise any more.  Please bang some nails into the nursery window, otherwise I am afraid I will fling open the sash and cast Baby out into the dark night.'

Daytime: 'Right, that's his lunch done.  I'll just pop up and change his nappy just in case he gets nappy rash.'

Nighttime: 'Yes, I know his nappy's been on for seventeen hours now and weighs as much as a Tesco lorry.  If you DARE wake him up just to change him, I'll personally offer you to next door's rabid Alsatian.'

Daytime: 'Ah, listen to those little snuffly noises he makes when he's asleep.  Bless him!'

Nighttime: 'What do you mean, WHY have I put Baby in the shed for the night?  Dur!'

Daytime: 'Funny, isn't it, the way he keeps coming on and off the breast like that, as though he can't decide.  Silly boy!'

Nighttime: 'Right, that's your lot, sunshine.  Any more faffing about and you can go back and suck on your cot mattress while I put my Ipod headphones in on full blast.'

Daytime: 'I'll leave his babygro off for a while so his toesies can air.  How he LOVES to kick his chubby little legs around when his nappy's off.'

Nighttime: 'Yes, he IS rather drowsy and still, isn't he, darling, and being EVER so good while I change his nappy?  That'll be because he GULPED down his Mogadon and Mashed Banana at teatime.'


  1. Sleepless nights are great as memories but not as reality. Actually, that's a lie. Even the memories are pretty appalling.

  2. I was working 12 hour nights when our daughter was newborn. Some people will do anything to try and get some kip.

    How our daughter managed with three, under three, is a mystery. Mind you, she and our son-in-law did give the impression they were running on autopilot, through the worst of it.

  3. Ouch, I remember the dark, sleepless nights. I would sit there doing a feed thinking 'bastards didn't tell me about all this"


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reasons why Fran can now forgive the ironing board incident

Evidence that overflowing Tupperware cupboards aren't the only problem later life brings

Reasons why Fran is desperately in search of earbuds