Evidence that not all my blog posts are tightly-structured, seamlessly-coherent pieces of startlingly good prose

I go back to school tomorrow after a six week break.  I feel rested, refreshed, even inspired.  I am going to say those words again.  Rested.  Refreshed.  Inspired.  Remember those words, peoples. You won't hear them again from my lips until this time next year.

This is also the point at which I may disappear in dramatic fashion off the blogotwitosphere, failing to follow anyone's blogs in any respectful way, tweeting only every thirteen-and-a-half days, and struggling to post coherent blog posts (whaddya mean, what's new?).

Before I go, I want to ask some questions of no one in particular.

1. Who are 'Gothise' and why is half my blog traffic coming from them?  Why are they so damned interested in a post about a giraffe and another one about stretched earlobes?  If I write one about a giraffe with stretched earlobes, will the blog stats go bananas?

'You come anywhere near me with those earlobe-stretchers and your head will be in between my
giant gnashers in no time at all, sunshine.'

2. Why does moving furniture into different places in my house make me feel clean inside?  Am I looking to the wrong sources for inner peace?

'Darling, the tables look so much better in that corner.  But something tells me we shouldn't
have dragged them along the floor quite so roughly.'

3. Someone told me today that there are species of spider called 'red-kneed spider' and 'yellow-kneed spider'.  How does one live without fear once one knows that there are spiders with KNEES sharing the same planet as oneself?

They preferred to look cool, but having read Fran's blog, there was no way they were
going out there without checking for spiders with knees first.

4. Why do men always sit ON cushions rather than tuck them behind their backs?  Do they think women are so BORED that all they want to do all day is plump up the cushions they've massacred?

Fran thought she'd see how he managed trying to sit on THIS type of cushion......

5. Why, when I am meant to be thinking of amazing things to do with my new classes and designing my seating plans, am I writing a senseless, trivial blog post?

Add caption

Have a good week, everyone.  I'm off to bed to get some beauty sleep.  Okay, then - just some sleep.


  1. I always have the cushion behind my back. But then I've got a dodgy back. I still manage to massacre it though.....
    How can anyone be frightened of a tiny spider, yet find a fifteen foot tall giraffe cudly?
    Answers on a postcard please.....

  2. Ahem - should be 'cuddly'.

    I'll stand in the corner and face the wall......

  3. Hmmm you too on the Gothise... We would appear to be spiritual leaders in the world of alternative lifestyles.

    Ahhh the joy of back to school, seating plans and inspirational teaching. I have just completed my lovely classroom (nip over to my blog and have a look if you want) it is so nice that I am planning on banning children from it, instead they will stand in the playground, look through the windows whilst I mime my lessons to them from the front.

  4. Martin - You win today's 'Very Different Kind of Man From all the Rest' award. Keep going. You are Very Special.

    Charlotte - Have looked at the pictures of your classroom and feel numb with shame. As for Gothise, I just can't imagine what they want with me. Stats, presumably.

  5. Good luck for tomorrow. Don't drop off the radar for too long.

    Oh, and maybe there's something in a name, Martin, but I never sit on cushions either.

  6. Lord , yes . Tomorrow I'm supposed to be doing my Joyce Grenfell impersonation again , aren't I .
    All year .

  7. Now I smell a conspiracy. I have the same thing going on with the Gothise (NO idea what it is, though - tried googling it, and so far I've been encouraged to join and friend a gazillion people there, but also warned that it is a spam site...).

    What stinks of conspiracy, though, is the fact that my whole BLOG is giraffe-related. Why are the goths so into giraffes? Gothraffes? I'm gothfused.

    Goth luck with school!

  8. I never sit on cushions. Ever. Too uncomfortable. Cushions are made for fighting with. Everybody knows that.

  9. Love that procrastination sign, can I pinch it? Love the spiders with knees too :-) Good luck with the new school term, I don't know how you do it.

  10. 1. Don't know but they're visiting me too.
    2. Moving the furniture makes it look as though you've done some cleaning - it's the same with frying onions just before they get home from school: everyone thinks you've cooked something for supper.
    3. It's not the knees it's the size of the sudden invasion force that's upsetting us here.
    4. Girls put them on the floor. When do they start plumping them up?
    5. My lot all went back to school last week and I'm not sure when I'll return to housewifely duties; I need to do a bit more research on the computer first...

  11. Can I comment although I have no answers? I'm not bright like what you are and all the rest of your commenters.

    Have fun in the classroom, get your kids to get curious enough about poetry to read some for themselves.

    Good luck. I can't imagine that you will stay away from this intellectually challenging sphere, aka blogland, for any time at all. Where else would you get your inspiration for the classroom? Not to mention writing practice.

  12. Thanks, Martin, and it seems I have daubed the whole male race as being cushion-killers when it isn't true. Apologies.

    SmitandSon - Joyce Grenfell is the best.

    Cruella - the mystery deepens re the Goths and giraffes! Er ...

    Steve - yet another male who messes up my nice little theory.

    Eliza - I got it from Google! So it's not technically mine either ..

    hausfrau - I think you should carry on with your computer research until at least one day before half-term, then do a bit of other work, and, oh, then the kids will be on holiday again. Oops!

    Friko - ah, the poetry thing. I will do my best.

  13. Gothise - is a social site for Goths. And it is referrer spam, whatever you do, don't click. I did out of idle curiosity. Google off to - why does Gothise like me, and see how many blogs are saying why me??!!

    Every thirteen and a half days - is the beginning of your next fairy tale - please?

  14. Elephant's Eye - you like the fairy tales? I will do my best for you at some point. I like doing them too.

  15. How was school? We're on term holidays at the moment. That's a whole 2 weeks without school! Huzzah! But, err, commiserations for the end of your holiday!

  16. I'd sympathise with your terrible plight as a working woman but you've silenced me, so I can't. Pity.

  17. I feel left out.... so many bloggers are teachers !
    My mother was a teacher. In the summer holidays she'd get out Great Granny's deck chair - a scary wood & canvas contraption which could claim fingers if not careful. You could make it kick back to lie in with your legs on an extended bit & it also had a sun canopy. Mum would live in it for six weeks.

  18. Nice post! I, too, love to rearrange furniture. I get a little thrill when I wake up and realize that my rooms are different. It's like I'm playing house. :)

  19. eat my shorts - it's fine, thanks! Glad to have got the term started. Can't stand anticipation! it's worse than the reality.

    Isabelle - oh dear. Shot myself in the foot there rather! Please, go ahead and sympathise. I need you. I repent. In dust and ashes.

    Bad Penny - your mother had the right idea.

    Diane - Exactly! It's as if you've moved house, only much cheaper.

  20. Repentance accepted. Did the beauty sleep work? I myself find that it works less and less well as the years pass. Strange.

  21. Love the procrastination sign! I'm going to copy and paste that tomorrow, or the next day, or sometime next week......

    Anna May x

  22. Isabelle - did the beauty sleep work? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    Anna May Mangan - ah, you like the same pace of life as I do.


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