Evidence that Fran has found ways to cut down on time planning menus

You know you've got a habit going on when your sister texts you and says, 'Your husband's away, isn't he?  Are you eating egg and chips?'

You see, the husband is a veg man.  In fact, if given the chance, he will have Green Veg with everything.

Me:  'Fancy a fishfinger sandwich?'
Him: 'Yeah, lovely.  There's some broccoli to use up in the fridge.  Shall we have that with it?'
Me: 'Yeah, why not?  I swear I heard Jamie Oliver say on telly the other day that broccoli is the new tomato ketchup.  Whoop-de-doo!'

We are always having arguments about which vegetables go with what.  I swear you can't eat brussels sprouts with white fish, but he'll happily pile them on the side of a nice piece of grilled plaice, and if there's some leftover cabbage available, all the better.  This is when I start my 'Normal People Wouldn't do That' lecture, which is the same lecture I use for some of his other idiosyncrasies such as carrying two 9 packs of toilet rolls home from the shops on his bicycle handlebars (oh, the shame) and holding biscuits covertly in the palm of his hand while he's eating them as though he's scared someone else will come and steal them.

Anyway, it's such a relief when he's away not to be pressurised into eating curly kale with my baked beans on toast.  So I just indulge, like a pig in muck, in egg and chips.  He would say, if he were here, that I should 'at least have some peas with those egg and chips'.  Well, stuff that, for a game of soldiers.  I don't need veggies; I've got a life to live.

[Turn away from the screen, dear reader, if you are easily disturbed.  The next few sentences contain scenes of a shocking nature.]  I have a routine.  It goes like this.  The first night he's away, I have egg and chips. The second night, egg and chips.  The third night, egg and chips.

I know.  I know.  And you thought 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' was distressing.

I have just thought of an idea.  I am now going to see how many literary text titles I can mangle into a chips theme.  I am going Googling.

Googlegoogle ....

Googlegoogle ....

Googlegoogle ....

Right, here we go.

Don Chipote
The Count of Monte Chippo
Moby Chip
The Thirty-Nine Chips
Chips Fall Apart
A Tale of Two Chippies
The Lion, the Chips and the Wardrobe
To Chip a Mockingbird
Charlie and the Chip Factory
David Chipperfield
The Way we Chip Now

You know, I really think I could just carry this on and on, but because I want to keep a few followers for the future, I won't.  Anyway, I have shocked myself by realising how easily I can be entertained by searching the internet for book titles which remind me of the sounds in the word 'chip'.

Oh well, it's Friday night.  A woman has to let her hair down somehow.  And, anyway, I have eaten so many chips that, despite having twice tried to rise from this chair where I am typing on my laptop, I have failed. So this is as exciting as my evening is going to get.

Feel free to chip in with a comment.  HAR HAR HAR.

When Fran's husband asked her what type of cake she would like for her next birthday,
her answer wasn't quite what he had expected.  Still, he felt she'd over-reacted
when he'd suggested getting some green beans iced on around the edge


  1. Goodbye Mrs. Chips. Remember that old classic about an English school teacher? I must confess that I don't find the thought of eggs and chips very appealing.

  2. Yes, Stephen, I love that film. I don't mind you not liking egg and chips. But you do know what kind of chips I mean, don't you? I know chips across the pond are crisps to us. And to you chips are fries. All very confusing.

  3. Becket's "Waiting For Chips"?
    and there's always "chips that pass in the night" .

  4. You sound very CHIPper for someone who's husband is out of town. Are you sure there's no boy toy (I think in the UK you call them toy boys) to sit with you & feed each other chips? After all, any meal tastes better when shared with the right person.

  5. I like egg and chips, but I also love green veggies - well any kind of veggies - so I can see both sides of the argument. I'm currently on green smoothies, which look like a glass of swamp water but taste great.

  6. SmitandSon - There's something about 'Chips that Pass in the Night' which is vaguely disturbing.

    fishducky - you call them boy toys? I think that's brilliant. But, no, I don't have one. And it's just as well, for lots of reasons, but mainly because I can't bear to give chips away.

    Sue J - I'm afraid I'm unconvinced by your comment that it 'looks like a glass of swamp water but tastes great'. I don't think I'd even GET to the tasting stage ...

  7. How about 'Battlechip Potemkin'? Although I love veggies, I've probably eaten enough egg and chips to sink it.

  8. I am firmly on your side in the sprouts and fish "discussion"! ..and I love most veg!

  9. In the seventies / early eighties there was a US cop show called Chips.

    California HIghway Patrol. They weren't too big on eggs though.

  10. here, I'm your husband (so to speak) and my husband is you. (Well things are a bit quiet down in rural Dorset).

    Bliss of bliss though...on the times when he does cook, fried chippy spuds and baked beans are the highlight of my (supposedly health-giving) vegetable stuffed mealtime and I enjoy the plateful of gloriously pan-fried delight more than anything that ever surfaces from the steamer!

  11. Your menu sounds great to me! Easy to throw together, tasty...what's not to like?

  12. Martin - I bet my chips have been bigger than your chips.

    Frances - we have the same name and are obviously both women of taste.

    Steve - I don't remember that show. I think I'd just been born ... *bites lip* ... *uses annoying asterisk ironic thingy*

    tedandbunny - simple is best. I'm not one for the rocket and purple jus myself.

    June - what's not to like is probably dying at 60 of heart failure and having to have my coffin widened. Still ...

  13. I'm still giggling over chips that pass in the nights.
    You might sometimes get adventurous and have chips and egg instead. Just a thought. So long as it doesn't make the chips feel depressed. I mean, when the chips are down, well, things get ugly.

  14. The husband would love your menu, and I'll have your broccoli and Brussels sprouts thanks.

    At second glance - that cake leaves me the way you are with swamp juice. If that's the choice, I'll take the swamp juice.

    But where on Google, did you find a cake iced with egg and chips???

  15. The Merry - The chips are definitely down. Deep down. In my tummy.

    Elephant's Eye - I don't know - I just googled egg and chips and up came that cake. Along with lots and lots of pictures of eggs and chips. Sometimes you just strike lucky!

  16. As I child, I was once terribly sick after being made to eat fish and cabbage at school.

    Hamlet, egg and chips?
    I saw three chips come sailing by?

  17. Frances - Hamlet, egg and chips is inspired!

  18. Brown sauce or ketchup? Not a movie,a genuine question.

  19. Invisible - nope, just salt and vinegar. No time for getting sauce out and all that hassle.

  20. Clearly: We Need to Talk About Chips

  21. Chip van Winkle
    Chippy Bang Bang
    True Fries
    and that horror film... Fried Night

    ... but I digress. Fish and cabbage? Try braising cabbage in a covered pan with powdered ginger, salt and sugar. It tastes like that crispy seaweed you get with your Chinese and goes great with a salmon steak!

  22. hausfrau - oh, we do, we do! Have you seen the Kevin film yet? I loved the book so much.

    Jinksy - My sentiments exactly!

    broken biro - I might even try that. It sounds very tasty. Will it go with chips?

  23. I have the perfect solution for your problem:

    You and my (thin) old man get together for an orgy of egg and chip eating; when I take him to a restaurant, guess what he scans the menu for? Egg and chips and if there's a thick slice of ham to mop up the egg yolk, so much the better.

    Whereas I'm the healthy (fat) one, who eats vegetables by the shedload.

  24. Everything goes with chips - it's one of the laws of the universe

  25. Friko - when is your old man free?

    broken biro - yeah, George Clooney and chips. Bring it on!

  26. Anonymous6/11/11 14:33

    A trip to Charlie's Chip Factory is something I simply must add to my "Things to do before I die" list.

  27. I can't really come up with any chiplike titles so am reduced to:

    The Lion and the Chip in the Wardrobe
    The Da Chippie Code
    The Common Sense Book of Baby and Chip Care
    Gone with the Chips.

    No, no good. Sorry.

  28. rntomlinson - book 2 tickets.

    Isabelle - I thought they were funny! I especially liked Gone with the Chips. That is MY story.

  29. Aw, chip... I got to this party quite late. I, too, am trying broken biro's recipe. The cabbage one. George Clooney is busy.

  30. When he gets back, just claim ignorance - all the leftover veg looked like Flora to you. Disregard the fact that it would be highly unusual to have 7 different tubs of Flora in varying shapes and sizes sitting in the fridge. You weren't to know that one contained leftover carrots, one leftover broccoli, one leftover cabbage... (if you're really lucky you might find a potato or two) x


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