1. I once knew someone who used to like her custard really thick. We went round for dinner once and, again, she served up the kind of custard you have to slice. It's all a bit awkward, that kind of thing, isn't it? What do you say? She says something like, 'Hope the custard's not too thick' and you have to be polite and try NOT to say, 'No, it's fine. I love my custard the consistency of ready-mix concrete. It's the only way.' or 'Thick? You think THIS is thick? Don't you remember the cheese sauce you gave us LAST time?' or 'Of COURSE it's not too thick. Oops! What's that in my bowl? My DENtures?'
2. I may have said before that my career as a poet was launched in the dining hall at my Junior School, where I used to get extra pudding (usually another bowl of custard) by making up limericks about the dinner ladies. These days, they'd probably be arrested under the Encouraging Children Towards Lifetime Obesity Health & Safety Act 1993 Sub-section 42 Clause 9.37, but then, they were very happy to pour gallons of custard into my bowl in return for a few lines of complete tosh like:
There was a nice lady called Trish
Who would put more rice pud in my dish
If I told her a rhyme
During school dinner time
(And she'd secretly not give me fish)
I just made that one up. As you can tell, my skill as a limerickist has developed by leaps and bounds from Junior School level to .... to .... Junior School level.
3. The thing about school custard is that it used to develop a skin. I can't really be bothered to look, but I bet there's a Facebook group for people who like the skin on custard, and another one for people who don't.
Oh, come on, Fran. Go and search on Facebook, you lazy old bag. Just because you've eaten a plateful of apple pie and custard the width of Lake Victoria doesn't mean you can't click an extra button on your keyboard.
[Back in a tic.]
Here we go. I knew it.
The pro-skin facebook page has 9 likes and the anti-skin has 22 likes. I'm so tempted to click on the anti-skin, but once you do that, you get all kinds of ads for instant desserts and custard-flavoured yoghurts and offers to join the Anti-Custard-Skin Defence League, blah blah blah.
4. I'd like to finish this thoughtful and inspiring post with a custard-themed picture, so I'm going to look for one.
[Back in a tic.]
|Ha ha! I think this might be the cafe my old friend now runs.|