Evidence that circling buzzards make a woman morbid
Not good for the self-esteem, being viewed as potential carrion. I've told my husband that every hour or so we ought to shift about a bit in our chairs, just to give the impression of continuing life.
Here are ten other signs that you are in your 50s and can't pretend any longer:
1. When you bend to put your socks on, you start seeing it as an opportunity to put in plugs, dust skirting boards and pick fluff off the carpet while you're down there.
2. Other people with frown lines and recent bunion operation scars let you on the bus first.
3. When you meet long-term friends, you talk about recent visits to the doctor before you even mention the weather.
4. You view Thornton's Special Toffee - the stuff you have to break with a hammer - like you would a potential mugger.
5. When the Avon Lady comes to the door, you look down the street and say, 'Is Mummy with you or has she sent you round to collect the money?'
6. You go 'uh' and 'ooh' when you get out of a chair, even if nothing hurts.
7. You vow you'll never have any plastic surgery procedures, but, still, those lip plumping and wrinkle injection videos on Youtube are mighty fascinating.
8. You begin to wonder what the £3.99 meals are like at the local day centre.
9. You wonder whether a flowered Pac-a-Mac isn't in fact a sensible option in the rain.
10. When you say 'cool' it can't sound anything but ironic.
|It was all very well getting the leg up there. It had been three days now and she still wasn't sure
how she was going to get it down again.