Reasons why Fran might be buying a dog, a ride-on lawn mower, and an Open University course in mining
According to the chart, which tells you how many calories you would burn off in an hour, I don't have to do any of those boringly traditional activities like running or playing tennis. There are so many other exciting options listed that hadn't even crossed my mind.
Bagging grass burns off 327 calories. It just seems an unusual activity. You can't just say, 'Oh, I think I'll go and bag some grass' like you can say 'Oh, I think I'll go out for a quick run.' Presumably, one has to mow a lawn first, and if I've mown a lawn, I want a packet of Bourbons and a nap, not an hour grass-bagging.
Bakery (light effort) burns off 204, but the figure for 'heavy effort baking' is not supplied. I'm not sure of the difference either. Is light effort baking making small, delicate buns, and heavy effort baking large triple-tier fruit cakes? Or is heavy effort baking when you cook small, delicate buns when you would rather have watched the Eastenders Omnibus?
Bathing a dog burns off 286. I would burn off quite a few more, presumably, by having to go and buy a dog in the first place and take it for a walk in the mud before it needed bathing. This sounds like a lot of hard work.
Birdwatching burns off 204. Er ... how? I thought you had to sit very still to be a birdwatcher and if sitting still burns off 204 calories per hour, I should be as thin as string by now.
Coal mining (general) burns off 490. The figure for 'specific' coal mining is not supplied.
Fishing from boat, while sitting, burns 304. Fishing from riverbank, while standing, burns 286. However, fishing from a riverbank, while walking, burns off 327 (and results in very few catches, I would imagine).
Hunting large game, 490. (Our old Monopoly board is getting quite tatty - I'll bear this one in mind.)
Loading and unloading a car, 245. Why would you do this, unless it was one of those tricky family holiday moments when everyone moans so much about going to Bridlington for yet another year that Dad says, 'Right, that's it. You can all bloody well stay at home, you ungrateful curs!' and starts taking out all the cases and leaving them on the lawn.
Mowing lawn while riding mower, 204. See birdwatching, above.
Pushing plane in and out of hanger, 490. I'm so glad about this one, because I push planes in and out of hangars every Saturday morning, and I was hoping it was doing me some good.
Sky diving, 245. (However, if attempt unsuccessful, resultant calorie loss is somewhat worthless.)
Working in steel mill, 654. A career move worth considering, especially as the figures for 'teaching teenagers how to use a comma properly' are not listed
|Fran had just signed up to her coal mining course when she found out that|
writing a blog post burnt off 9 zillion trillion calories. Yay! No need to begin!