Evidence that Fran is very pleased to have finished exam marking and can now go back to faffing about as usual

One of my favourite things to do is type random half-questions into the Google search bar and see what other people have been asking.

I said ONE of my favourite things.  Don't judge me.

Here's my first search today, and its results.  What happens if you ......

What happens if you .... swallow gum
What happens if you .... miss a pill
What happens if you .... don't eat
What happens if you .... eat weed
What happens if you ....drink on antibiotics

Here's a short matching game for you.  Don't get too excited - there are no prizes except, as I tell the kids at school, a deep sense of personal satisfaction and pride.  Match the question below to the people above.

Which person has a chest infection but also a vodka habit?
Which person is a teenager whose teacher spotted them chewing in a lesson?
Which person missed all the nutrition modules in their Human Biology lessons and is near death?
Which person has just eaten some very strange cookies?
Which person has fourteen children already and is worried that she is just about to have her fifteenth?

Now, my next search.  What's the best way to .....

What's the best way to .... kill ants
What's the best way to ....cook pork chops
What's the best way to .... buy a car
What's the best way to ....clean silver

Here's another matching game.  You know the drill now.

Which person has a mother-in-law coming round for dinner and feels she ought to display the wedding present that's been in a cupboard for months?
Which person left a jar of golden syrup out on the kitchen surface while on holiday for a fortnight?
Which person has just passed their driving test and is about to inflict themselves on the nation's roadways?
Which person infected someone with food poisoning the last time they cooked and found it ended an otherwise ideal relationship?

Allow me one more.  I am having such fun.  How do I know if .....

How do I know if ...... he loves me
How do I know if ...... she likes me
How do I know if ..... she loves me
How do I know if ..... my iPhone is unlocked

Only one question for you this time.

Study the above list carefully.  What do you learn about the two major obsessions affecting today's society?

Here's a song on the same theme.

A song to go with today's tasks.


  1. Every time I start a search with "what," the words "does the fox say" appear. I finally gave in and clicked. Now ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding . . . clutters my brain and renders me powerless. Oh, how I regret that click-a-ding-a-ding-a- . . . well, you know.


    1. I hadn't heard of this. I searched on Youtube. I listened to thirteen seconds. I clicked 'STOP'.

  2. I do similar searches to see what brought people to my blog. What search terms did they type into Google, etc.

    Oiled butt is the most frequent. It's funny. I don't remember writing a post about how to care for wooden rifles.

    1. I definitely remember you writing that post. Or, perhaps I misunderstood.

  3. I have yet to do searched to find out why people come to my blog. I guess I'm afraid all those Russian hits I get are from spies in the Kremlin who think America's launch codes are embedded in my snappy posts.

    1. I wasn't searching to see how people come to my blog. I was just messing about being stupid. I'm not even sure how I do that kind of search. I ought to find out, I guess. Oh, by the way, it was I who told the Kremlin about the launch code thing. Oops!

  4. As if Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, the BBC and other people's blogs were not enough, I am now under the spell of Google. Try 'What should I do if...' Blimey.
    Thank you, Fran. Really.

    1. At your service, here to give you lots of ideas for time-wasting.

  5. Two major obsessions? I thought there were three.
    Me, Myself and I.

  6. Well, now I want to know what the other two are.

  7. God, I feel like I'm back in the school gym, games' hall or assembly room for an exam.


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