Evidence that Fran can find things to amuse her even at hospital appointments

A short play entitled 'Fran goes for an MRI scan'

'MRI, sweet?'

'Yes, my appointment's at 2. Er, honeybun.'

'No, I mean are you here for the MRI suite?'

'Ah, yes.  I'm having a scan of my knee.'

'Could you sit over there, please? We'll call you.'

'What will you call me this time? Coochy-coo?'

[10 minutes later.]

'Do come through. Are you wearing anything metal?'

'Is my gold-encrusted underwear a problem?'

'You might need to remov -'

'It was a joke.'

'Any metal plates in your mouth?'

'No, my smile is always as big as this.'

'Is your bra wireless?'

'Yes, and I can print from it without using a USB connection.'

'Are you wearing a watch?'

'It's 2.05. Glad to be of help.'

'Please take the watch off and lie down here. I'll give you some headphones because the machine is very noisy.'

'What's on the headphones?'

'Some soothing music.'

[20 minutes later.]

'So, that wasn't too bad, was it, Mrs Hill?'

'I could take the tunnel thing. I could take the staying absolutely still thing. I could take the banging and the screeching and the whirring of the machine. What I found hard to take was the top-volume Distorted Enya CD.'

'Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I didn't realise it would be distorted. Or top-volume.'

'I used to like Enya.'

'Anyway, we'll let your doctor know within two weeks.'

'That you forced me to listen to Distorted Enya and sent me nearly half-crazy?'

'No, the results of your MRI on your left knee.'

'Oh, that.'


  1. MRI's make me feel like a cigar in a giant humidor!!

    1. It was the weirdest thing. I didn't have to go all the way in though because they were only doing my leg. I was grateful for that. I don't have claustrophobia but I thought it might be the quickest route to getting it ....

  2. The last time I had an appointment for an MRI, the person on the telephone told me I could wear my jewelry. I arrived and the tech said to take it all off. He said the pierced earrings would be sucked right out of my ears. I'm glad I didn't have that experience, although it would be good to write about.


    1. Do you think it might have been the telephone person's first (and maybe last) day in the job? It was weird - as soon as she said 'Do you have any metal implants or replacement joints or a pacemaker?' I kept doubting myself. Maybe I did, and didn't notice? Had I forgotten? Would I explode? It made me feel so insecure.

    2. I understand. Something I don't know about could be inside me. What if I swallowed nickels and dimes when I was a child?

  3. Some people just have no sense of humour at all. Didn't even pick up on gold-encrusted underwear!

    1. I will admit that some of this dialogue is just what I WANTED to say ....

  4. I don't recall hearing any music during my MRI.

  5. I have first mammogram to look forward to.
    I can't take my earrings out.
    I used to like Enya too until husband played it over & over thinking my mother would like it; she didn't.

    1. That's a cracking use of the semicolon for comic effect!

  6. I didn't get music, I feel cheated now. Though if you focus on the noises of the MRI machine they have an interesting music all their own.

    1. Don't feel cheated. I'd rather have been listening to my own death rattle than Distorted Enya.

  7. I was allowed to bring my own CD. Bach. No gold underwear, though.
    Lovely post.

    1. She did offer me Chopin as an alternative to the Enya. I wish I'd chosen that now. Although Distorted Chopin could have been equally terrible.

    2. She did offer me Chopin as an alternative to the Enya. I wish I'd chosen that now. Although Distorted Chopin could have been equally terrible.

  8. I had my sinuses scanned years ago , so went into the tube headfirst .
    "Right , stay absolutely still now , till I say you can move " .
    Which would have been fine except that my eyes were wide open , and I couldn't blink ....

    1. Aarrggh, no! How awkward. That would put me into a right panic. I would want to blink immediately.

  9. I love how our nurses manage to keep so calm even in the most trying of situations. ;-)

    1. Whaddya mean, how did the NURSE stay calm? She wasn't listening to Distorted Enya.


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