Evidence that by the end of 2015, Fran will be a transformed woman
Some New Year resolutions.
1. I will learn to use my Smartphone so that the word 'smart' in its name doesn't make the phone seem so smug and me so technologically stupid. Hopefully, this will also mean that fewer of my friends will get calls where there's only one ring before the call is cut off, and they have to ring me back to say 'Did you want me?' and I have to make up a reason for conversation. One's friends are always so suspicious when one begins with the weather.
2. I will stop pretending that the Baileys in my coffee is just normal cream. I will also alter the proportions of Baileys to coffee so that there is more coffee.
3. Now that I have bought a smaller plate in the attempt to eat less, I will stop piling the food three feet high to compensate. This will mean I will no longer need to eat with my nose in a pile of mashed potato or submerged in a mound of meat and gravy.
4. I will improve my wardrobe and become smarter. To start the process, I will re-sew all the hems of my trousers that I have badly sewn in the past so that the stitches don't show on bright days. I will also use matching cotton this time, not yellow on black.
5. At weekends and on days off, I will stop lying in bed listening to the radio and pretending I'm improving myself culturally, instead of getting up and doing something useful, like making the evening meal.
6. I will phone all the people I have promised to phone, if only to check whether they remembered I promised to phone when I last spoke to them in 1972.
1. I will learn to use my Smartphone so that the word 'smart' in its name doesn't make the phone seem so smug and me so technologically stupid. Hopefully, this will also mean that fewer of my friends will get calls where there's only one ring before the call is cut off, and they have to ring me back to say 'Did you want me?' and I have to make up a reason for conversation. One's friends are always so suspicious when one begins with the weather.
2. I will stop pretending that the Baileys in my coffee is just normal cream. I will also alter the proportions of Baileys to coffee so that there is more coffee.
3. Now that I have bought a smaller plate in the attempt to eat less, I will stop piling the food three feet high to compensate. This will mean I will no longer need to eat with my nose in a pile of mashed potato or submerged in a mound of meat and gravy.
4. I will improve my wardrobe and become smarter. To start the process, I will re-sew all the hems of my trousers that I have badly sewn in the past so that the stitches don't show on bright days. I will also use matching cotton this time, not yellow on black.
5. At weekends and on days off, I will stop lying in bed listening to the radio and pretending I'm improving myself culturally, instead of getting up and doing something useful, like making the evening meal.
6. I will phone all the people I have promised to phone, if only to check whether they remembered I promised to phone when I last spoke to them in 1972.
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| Fran's friend wondered whether 2015 would be the year she'd call |
Funny--Happy New Year!!
ReplyDeleteHappy new year, fishducky, and have a great 2015 writing-wise. x
DeleteFYI per #4: Scotch tape can do a darn respectable job in hemming, not to mention your handy stapler.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year!
That is such a good idea. Should one take the trousers off before beginning to staple? Would that save on trips to the hospital?
DeleteIn 2015 my goal is to be more decisive. I think that's what I want. I'm not sure.
ReplyDeleteThere's a book out soon called 'Indecision'. It's by Ivor Orr.
DeleteI have a counsellor friend who had to give a lecture to students on procrastination but she couldn't quite get round to preparing for it till the last minute...
DeleteHa ha! So the students stayed unenlightened, and have been running around like headless chickens since, getting everything done!
DeleteNumber 2 is quite unnecessary. Trust me. Coffee is not good for you.
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Good response!
DeleteI find blue tack works on most things... Happy New Year Fran xx
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'll wait until blu-tacking one's clothes comes into fashion, then I'll follow ...
DeleteToo many resolutions ...
ReplyDeleteBy completing 4 ( duct tape's awfully useful ) , your superiority , sartorial and otherwise , will be immediately obvious to your Smartphone , which will then cooperate ... and if it doesn't , then you can just ignore 6 .
And don't even start on 5 and there won't be anything to pile on your plate , however small .
Hope this has been of help .
You are a wise counsellor. Happy New Year!
DeleteNo no no, Fran! You don't have to SEW hems. You just buy that iron on sticky stuff. It's brilliant.
ReplyDeleteHappy new year!
Where have I been? EVERYone is telling me this and I was still in the Dark Ages of trying to thread needles with ageing eyes.
DeleteFran, you haven't lived.
Deletehahahahahaah good one .........
ReplyDeleteThanks, Karen. Happy New Year!
DeleteThree feet high mashed potatoes?? I'll bring a spoon...
ReplyDeleteLove the skeleton waiting for your call!
Mashed potatoes are just one of life's special things. Like rice pudding and chips and fresh bread. (Hello, my name's Fran and I'm a carboholic.)
DeleteThey all sound good to me except the Smart phone thing. Just as you learn how to use it, it'll break down and you'll have to get a new, different one.
ReplyDeleteWell, when that time comes, I'm going to get the easiest, simplest, phone-and-text-only version.
Delete