Reasons why Fran is looking to go to a silent disco ASAP
This is the best idea ever. SO many advantages over normal discos. I will list them.
1. No one will ever know that you are dancing out of rhythm, even if you are to the dance floor what atrial fibrillation is to the human heart.
2. You're not reliant on a DJ choosing decent songs. It's so frustrating when they play two classic Motown numbers so that you get into your boogie, and then a song which means suspending yourself in the air for three seconds and coming down on the offbeat.
3. Everyone's dancing on their own, so there's no need for that existential angst when others seem to be dancing in pairs or with friends, and you're bobbing away unilaterally like a ship come adrift from the Armada, pretending you totally meant to be lost and lonely.
4. If you keep to silent discos at home to liven up your parties, you will stay friends with your neighbours for ever and ever Amen and they won't be able to say a Darn Thing about your overgrown pyracantha.
5. Wearing giant headphones makes anyone look at least ten years younger, so if you're suffering a mid-life crisis, or are indeed one-hundred-and-nine, it's all good.
6. No one can criticise your taste in music. You can dance to the Teletubbies theme music, Abide With Me on repeat, or Handel's Messiah, and who can comment? The fact that you're still on the dance floor when everyone else has gone home and made cocoa might be a hint that you're the Handel fan, but apart from that, what's not to like?
It's a weird way to socialise, for sure, but these days you see groups of people sitting together, heads close together as if in deep and profound communication, but in fact all on their mobile phones, communicating with absent friends or playing games. It doesn't seem so different from that.
So, my conclusion is that I will try to get to a silent disco as soon as I can.
As soon as I have an invitation.
Which hasn't arrived.
But I'm sure it will.