Evidence that Fran is perhaps over-thinking during Zoom events

I've been to so many Zoom events lately, often those for writers. Here are thoughts I have during them. 

1. Do my nostrils look like the Wookey Hole caves to anyone else?

2. I bet I'm not the only one drinking red wine out of a tumbler to pretend it's Ribena. 

3. I wish someone had warned me that when you surreptitiously check your phone, your face lights up like a beacon. 

4. That woman's dog is so tiny it would do better as a sandwich filling. 

5. How embarrassing that I posted the Clapping reaction just as that man told a tragic story. 

6. Do my nostrils look like the Wookey Hole caves to anyone else?

7. Hey, if I tilt my head back just a little like *this*, I reduce the number of chins by a sixth.

8. Crap, no! My Chat message saying, 'I'm loving this' came up just as that lady was describing her latest rejection from a publisher. 

9. If I turn my camera off, I could eat this Snickers bar then claim technical problems. 

10. Do my nostrils look like the Wookey Hole caves to anyone else?

11. Look at that woman, blowing her own trumpet and posting a link to her novel in the chat. 

12. What if I preface the link to my book with, 'Not blowing my own trumpet, but -'? 

13. Arrrrggghh! Fran, DON'T lean towards the screen. You are a GARGOYLE.

14. That woman's cat may be pedigree but it looks like it ran into a wall. 

15. Do my nostrils look like the Wookey Hole caves to anyone else?

16. Does she realise she slurps? 

17. Is her name really 'Honeybun' or was her last call to her boyfriend? 

18. If I dip my head like *this* I have seventeen chins but the nose is much improved. 

19. If I leave out apostrophes in the Chat, will people think I'm cool and contemporary, or thick? 

20. My nostrils look like the Wookey Hole caves to everyone. 


  1. I think you are paying far too much attention to your nostrils, the rest of your face is going to feel left out and will probably sulk all day.

    1. That really made me smile. Which is Point 21. Why, when I smile, do I look crazed, unlike others who look as though they're smiling?

  2. You made me chuckle as always! And no, they don't

  3. This is just hilarious. And so true about the nostrils (mine, I mean obviously, not yours). Love that Zoom paranoia is not just my thing. Thank you for this!!

    1. I'm sure if someone had said to us last year, 'How would you like to stare at your own face for a third of your life next year?' we would have laughed. We're not laughing now!

  4. So true Fran. I might have slightly different examples but yes the same angst is there! By the way I've always thought you look very calm and perfectly OK in zoom meetings, with even lighting conditions. What gets me is the weird effects created by the different lighting conditions in whichever corner of the house I have chosen to be in. Sometimes I'm in semi-darkness and if I put the light on, my glasses glow with an eerie blue light. Then there's the people who use a mobile phone and have it lying on the table or propped up against something, then they sink back into an armchair, and they seem to have no idea of what they look like on screen....

    1. Sorry for delay in replying to this, Sheila! I think, with lighting, the advice is to make sure whatever your source of light, it's behind the laptop or device rather than behind you. But it's not always easy to manage! I'm glad you think I look calm - ha ha ha :)

  5. Ah, this made me laugh...I do a lot of Zoom and the dreaded Teams meetings and I get fed up with looking at half images of people because they have their laptop screen tilted back too much or folks on phones who are moving all over the place! I just tell them now. I even say raise your laptop up on a couple of chunky books.
    As for the lighting, it drove me mad the first month so I invested in a ring lamp which you put behind your laptop so it bounces the light off your face and people can see you properly. It gets rid of my chins too.

    The mute button is a whole different topic!

    Thanks for sharing.

    1. Maria, thanks so much for your comment! A lot of people recommend the ring lamp and it does sound a great idea, especially if it reduces chinnage. I definitely need my chinnage reducing! I thought I was going to have to diet but if I can manage it with a ring lamp, all the better!!

    2. Definitely consider a lamp, for what they cost, and the way communication is going it’ll be worth it.


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