You thought I never would, didn't you?
You thought I was joking, didn't you?
Well, I've done it.
The only thing is ....
- they're not permanent
- they're a little uneven
- I can feel them more than I can see them
- I got them at the dentist
Okay, so they're not the real thing, and only there because I had to have two fillings and therefore a shedload of anaesthetic enough to numb a herd of wildebeest. But just for a few hours, as I sit here, just returned from the dentist, my lips feel deliciously Massive.
And they only cost me £36. I bet celebrities pay a LOT more than that.
When I got on the bus back from the dentist, I had to speak to the bus driver, of course. And my lips felt so big, like two barrage balloons top and bottom, that instead of saying, 'Single to Leamington, please,' I said, 'Smibble doo Lebbyton, fleas' and it took us a while to sort the fare out. I wonder if this is how actresses feel when they've had theirs done. It must play havoc with the line-learning for a while, even if it does mean you can kiss Johnny Depp, George Clooney and Ewan McGregor all at once if you want to. And who wouldn't want to?
I did take one sneaky peek in my hand mirror on the bus. You know how it is - you're convinced you're dribbling saliva like a goon when you've just had
|Fran couldn't afford plastic surgery, and the lips the dentist gave her only lasted a few hours.|
She wondered what other methods she could try without anyone noticing....